Call things even, dispense with the game-playing

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/12/2022 (1340 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was clearing out the basement storage room and thought I’d accidentally found a Christmas gift for me, from my young husband. It was in a gift box, no wrapping yet. I couldn’t help myself from peeking. It was something I’d never want in a million years — athletic workout clothing. Yuck!

I’m an artsy type, and it wasn’t even my colour — not by a long shot. It was also not in my size. It was for a smaller woman. So who is she? I decided to swipe the gift, hide it and not tell him. I don’t want to know if he’s having an affair, because he caught me having one in the early fall, and let it go.

I guess he’s getting even in his way. I love him and don’t want to lose him. Should I tell him I found the gift?

—Tit-for-Tat Game, West End

Dear Tat: It was not an innocent gift — and your husband’s not saying boo now it’s disappeared. You’ll note he didn’t hide the present very well — as in stashing it out in the garage, for instance. He will know that only you could have found that gift, and you know what’s up.

This is a chess game, isn’t it? You are a clever adversary, and he may actually admire that.

Clearly you two are not as decimated by infidelity as other people, so why not consider yourselves “even,” without even discussing the gift that magically disappeared?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in my early 50s and recently fell hard for a woman online, who lived in B.C. Not so far away, right? There should have been no problem meeting this person, as we were on the phone day and night, and she’d already trusted me with her exact address and had given me a tour of her house during a video chat.

When I started to make plans to fly out to see her and stay in a hotel nearby, she suddenly balked and started backing off.

On a hunch I asked a Vancouver friend to go check out the home address she gave me early on, and the street does exist, but not the house number she gave me! It was then I realized I’d been taken for a ride.

I had lots of photos of her and her cute dog, and we talked nightly. I realize now the photo of her, in front of her front door, didn’t show the street number. Also, that could have been somebody else’s dog she had with her, for show, I guess.

I’m too old to be making these mistakes. Where did I go wrong? I’ll admit she was a bit younger.

— Middle-Aged, Single and Stupid, River Heights

Dear Middle-Aged: Some people can sniff a phoney online situation from the very beginning, but you’re not one of them. You need to “shop local” from now on. Someone who lives in the same city is far less likely to try to pull tricks like this. Winnipeg is not a small town where it’s impossible to find a single person to date, and perhaps fall in love with.

Don’t give up. Do some research online into local activities-based singles groups and consider joining. That should take the worry out of being conned, for a person who’s been taken for a ride and is being extra careful now.

You could also just get out and meet more people in general by joining groups for social, recreational or creative pursuits. You could also consider volunteering, especially for a group or organization you’re passionate about, as you may meet likeminded people.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a larger man online who joked he was Santa Claus.

When we met for our first coffee date, he presented me with a tiny box of chocolates in Christmas wrapping — very cute. I felt so special! I agreed to see him again and we left. We started walking in the direction of both our cars together. When we got to his vehicle, he quickly blocked the back seat window with his wide body.

Being the curious cat I am, I walked fast and peeked through his back window and there was a cardboard box in the back seat with a bunch of identically-wrapped little presents on the seat, like he gave me! He blushed, and I knew I was probably one of a string of women he was having coffee dates with that week. I asked him frankly about it, and he just laughed.

He said, “What of it? Did you bring me anything?” I walked off and will never see him again. I can’t stop thinking about it. Why does this annoy me so much?

— Chucked his Little Gift, Winnipeg

Dear Chucked: When somebody gives an identical gift to every first date — and there are obviously lots of them — it can cheapen the experience. You felt like one of a test group. Don’t waste any more time obsessing over what happened. Congratulate yourself for knowing “Santa” was hiding something you found unscrupulous, and for calling him on it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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