Be careful what you ask for regarding romantic future

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This article was published 18/12/2022 (1334 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 26, and really want a proposal and an engagement ring for Christmas, but I don’t know if my boyfriend is going to give me that.

He tells me how much he loves me every day and always says: “Ask for whatever you want, and if it’s in my power, I will try to give it to you.” My question to you: Does that go for engagement rings, or are they supposed to be a surprise?

I haven’t told him I’m hoping for a diamond this Christmas. Should I tell him last-minute? I guess I could settle for Valentine’s Day, if it doesn’t happen at Christmas, but I have my fingers crossed!

— Dying to Marry Him, Transcona

Dear Dying: If you’re the kind of person who would always wonder if, on his own volition, he would have asked you to marry him if you hadn’t asked him outright, do not ask!

It’s just too big a request, and he may not quite be ready yet to pop the question. Emotionally, he seems to be there, but it also involves other factors and he may not feel financially ready at this point.

A request for an engagement ring and marriage proposal is entirely different from asking for a walk in the snow, a pair of skates, a certain kind of romantic dinner or sweet words of encouragement when you’re blue. Those are probably the kinds of requests your sweet guy was speaking of granting instantly.

That’s unless he really wants you to decide all the important moves in your life together, but that doesn’t seem to be what you’re describing. Some people in romantic relationships do like to be told what to do, but most couples prefer the power balance to be closer to 50-50.

If there’s no ring right away, you shouldn’t doubt how much he cares. You could drop a few hints if nothing happens at Christmas or Valentine’s Day, but be subtle, as it may just be a matter of the money. Don’t embarrass this generous man who obviously loves you back.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a poor liar. I’m 18 and live at home with my single mom. I lied to her about where I really was last night — at my new boyfriend’s apartment overnight — and I could feel my cheeks going bright red as I fibbed. I told her I had a few drinks and stayed at my best friend’s house. She didn’t seem to swallow my story.

Unfortunately, my friend phoned a few minutes later and my mother grabbed my phone right out of my hand! She asked my friend in an accusing voice, “What did you two do last night that’s made her so tired today?” My friend improvised and said: “We watched an old movie.” Mom demanded, “Which movie?”

My friend said, “I don’t remember the name!” and hung up real fast.

“Why can’t she remember the movie you two watched?” my mom yelled at me. I broke down, and confessed I’d stayed with my new boyfriend all night. Now she’s worrying I’m going to be pregnant!

How can I possibly tell her I went to the doctor and I’ve been on the pill for months now and having sex, although this was the first time I fell asleep there and accidentally stayed over?

— Bundle of Nerves, Fort Rouge

Dear Bundle: Tell your mother the whole truth now. Let her stop worrying about her daughter getting pregnant with her new guy. She knows you’re crazy about him.

You don’t think she’s already gone there in her mind? Mothers generally know when their daughters are really into a certain boyfriend. In fact, as much as you may not want to think about this in detail, your mother knows all about sexual feelings. That’s how she got pregnant with you after all, so it’s natural she worries!

You need to tell her in detail what you’re using for birth control, and also explain to her how you feel about this boyfriend. Let Mom know you’re taking good care of protecting yourself. She knows how tough it can be to be a single mother and she will be more worried about unplanned pregnancy than most mothers. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, to the moon and back!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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