Playing on pop’s ‘rock-star’ ego could change tune

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This article was published 26/12/2022 (1328 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My dad was a rock singer in Winnipeg for years, and he won’t let us forget it. Neither my brother nor I are musical, and we prefer getting our entertainment online, but most of Dad’s friends are musicians and have musical kids. He’s jealous!

What should we say to him when he brings up the “fact” that we’ve been wasting our lives “staring” at computers, when we could have had exciting lives like his? How does he figure that? We can’t sing, but we don’t care. He can’t sing anymore either — has health problems now, related to smoking and drinking in bars all those years.

What can we say about that, when he gets on our backs, without destroying him? It’s all we can do to keep our mouths shut! Mom doesn’t know what to say when he gets on us. I’m ready to tell him off, and it could get ugly.

— Had it up to Here! Winnipeg

Dear Had it: Channel this message through your mom, to your dad’s ears. What she needs to say to him is this: “What if our boys had been musical, pursued careers in music and surpassed you? Then their names would be well-known, and you’d be forgotten. The way it is now, you’re still a legend in this city.” Unless your dad is the type to enjoy basking in reflected glory, he’ll get the message, and it may change his tune.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother liked to make us feel guilty at Christmas because we “got too much.” She grew up poor, and hated it. But, she fixed that. She was a good-looking young woman and she married rich, to be blunt.

When we were young kids, Santa Claus used to bring us really nice toys, but Mom would frown as we opened them, muttering “too much, too much.” The next day — on dreaded Boxing Day, when we’d had the toys only one day — she’d say: “Now, it’s Boxing Day, so which toys do you want to put back in their boxes, and give away to the poor children?”

We’d break down crying, and there’d be another Boxing Day scene. Then Dad would take Mom out of the room, and no more would be said. We found out years later, he’d give her money to donate, and that would stop her from trying to take away our presents.

I always wondered what the true meaning of Boxing Day was, and if all parents tried to take away their kids’ toys the day after Santa brought them. What are people supposed to do on Boxing Day, anyway? I never knew, and I still don’t.

— Looking Back Sadly, Westwood

Dear Looking Back: Boxing Day originated in Great Britain’s upper classes. The servants got a day off following the big formal Christmas Day dinner for their employers’ extended families. It was shivery cold out, but these families arrived in horse-drawn carriages, heated with hot bricks wrapped in blankets, and stayed for days, sometimes weeks. There could be 20 or more people for the big dinner occasions.

Before leaving the manor on Dec. 26, servants received Christmas “boxes” from their employers — filled with gifts, a cash bonus, assorted edible treats and leftovers from the big dinner. As for giving away the privileged children’s toys on Dec. 26, it wasn’t a part of that custom — but I’m thinking some of the less popular toys may have gone quietly into the boxes!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a guy pushing 35, and I want to change my life. I want to get married and have a kid by next Christmas. The problem is, I don’t have a steady girlfriend, although I have a friend who really enjoys it when I drop by for a little affection and fun sex. She is single by choice because she had a husband who was a real jerk. We are never going to be a pair, though.

I’m a nice guy, and now I realize I want an old-fashioned wedding and a few kids. How do I get the message out there, when people know me to be a happy-go-lucky single guy who loves to play around? I’ve finally grown up and have seen the light.

I’ve always adored my nephews and nieces and they love me, but now I want my own family. By the way, I have an excellent job, a super cleaning lady and lots of family support to help in this project.

— Ready to Commit, Winnipeg

Dear Ready to Commit: Whoa! Do you realize if you want a baby by next Christmas, you’ll have to find a woman and really get things moving within two to three months? That’s before the end of March, my friend. Let me suggest you revise your plan; add on one more year, at least, so you can really search for long-term love and family.

Also, it’s time to talk to a psychologist and iron out the issues that have kept you from being a couples-type person before this point. Work on making yourself truly ready for love and commitment with a great partner — not just ready to have children. If it turns out you really deep-down don’t want to get married, you may be able to adopt as a single person with a good income and a secure family-and-friends support situation.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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