New-year card conundrum calls for tact

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This article was published 11/01/2023 (1313 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I looked in the mailbox right after New Year’s — it’s usually just bills — and there was a big envelope with sparkles all over it. I pulled it out and tore it open. The only writing on the card said “Happy New Year!” and was signed “Guess Who?” It could only be one of two women. Now what should I do? I could phone them and go on a fishing expedition, but there’s one I don’t want to see again, because she’s trouble. She’s definitely dramatic enough to have done this!

The other possibility is a woman who hurt me badly. She broke up with me because we were getting “too serious.” I was in love with her. Then she went off travelling and moved to Vancouver. I hear she’s back in Winnipeg now. Should I do something or wait for a second move from one of them?

— Mystery Card, Fort Richmond

Dear Mystery:It’s your move — in both situations. Life is an adventure, so call both women up, and at least wish them “Happy 2023!” Don’t text — it’s too cold, plus you need to hear their voices, to smoke out the card sender.

You might say: “I got an anonymous card in the mail. Did you send it by any chance?“ Either way you’ll get to have a little phone visit, and you may want to follow up with more — or not. If neither one of them turns out to have sent the card, that’s even more interesting. Then you know you have a secret admirer to start off this year!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart feels like it’s being burned on a bonfire! My boyfriend and I had a big fight after Christmas, and it kept on going for days, so he broke up with me on New Year’s Eve.

He got really drunk and said mean and cruel things about me being a “loser.” Then, he told me he didn’t want to go into the new year “dragging my butt” with him!

Right… that was not his real reason. I heard through the grapevine today that he has a new girlfriend going at his work. How long has that been going on? I know they sometimes worked the night shift alone, just the two of them. My friends tell me I should be glad he’s gone, but I hurt so bad, I just want to hurt him back!

There’s another side to this problem. His best friend has been calling me, and I know he really likes me. If I got with him, it would pay my boyfriend back. He might finally be hurt, and realize what he’s lost. I was really good to him and gave him everything he wanted, whenever he wanted it. Please help me know what to do. I hurt so much!

— Got Nobody Now, West End

Dear Got Nobody:Inciting jealousy doesn’t work — unless both original partners want to be back together again. Frankly, this boyfriend sounds like he’s totally finished with your relationship.

You’d just be disrespecting yourself if you just “got with” this other guy out of spite. Sadly, your ex-boyfriend’s buddy sounds like a guy who may really care about you, and it’d wound him to be used. Guys have the same basic feelings women do, but sometimes just hide them better.

Too often young people ignore their other friendships when they start going steady, and then they’re afraid to break up, because it’s the only “friend” they have left. The thought of the loneliness ahead can be terrifying.

You need to reconnect with old friends and relatives, who’ll be glad to have you closer. Then you can branch out to include a boyfriend, and if it doesn’t go well, you can safely let him go.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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