Parents dragging you into feud helps no one

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/01/2023 (1311 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mom and dad have been “on the outs” since Christmas, but it’s a big-time conflict now. I don’t know exactly what’s happened, as they have conflicting stories — but my dad is staying at his brother’s place right now.

Both my parents are texting me when I’m at work. I get many messages a day about how much they both can’t stand each other, and how the other person is in the wrong. I don’t want any part of this, but I also don’t want them to get divorced. Please help!

— Stuck in the Middle, Wolseley

Dear Stuck: Stop your parents texting you at work by telling them firmly it ruins your concentration, and you’re fearful of losing your job. Advise them to see a relationship counsellor ASAP, because you really can’t help them yourself. That’s actually your best hope for keeping them together.

You’re probably not being told the whole story, because one or both of your parents may have done something you wouldn’t approve of — like cheating.

That kind of information is for the ears of a counsellor — the whole story, with all the upsetting details. Then they can really help your parents try to work things out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a strange, wheezy laugh that everybody who knows me from high school instantly recognizes.

Last night, I was at a bar in the area I grew up in and this girl I went to high school with, who was always a lush, came up to me. She was obviously drunk and had a crazy look on her face. She started stabbing my chest, saying, “C’mon, tell the truth. That’s a fake laugh, isn’t it? I remember that stupid donkey laugh from school!”

People around us went dead quiet. I told her, “I have asthma, and I may need help for my wheezy laugh, but you’re a drunk!”

She ran to her friends, who looked daggers at me, like I was the creep. My buddies hauled me out. What else could I have done or said?

— Weird Laugher, Winnipeg

Dear Laugher: You can’t apologize for something you’re not sorry about. So, don’t go back to that bar for a while, even if it’s your old neighbourhood watering hole. People who drink too much tend to have a home bar where they can come and always know people, and she might be there again.

You said what you needed to say to her — and that was enough interaction for a lifetime.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: How do you know if you’re in love? I fell for this girl who’s 18 like me three months ago. Everything seems perfect — she’s beautiful, quiet and sexy. Best thing? She laughs at all my jokes, and agrees with me on everything. We get along so well, I think I love her — and have started telling her that.

The problem? She doesn’t answer back that she loves me. She just whispers into my chest, “It’s too soon to know.”

My parents met in high school and said they knew right away. They got married a couple years after they graduated. They are happy still. Please tell me what to do next.

— Confused Guy, Fort Garry

Dear Confused Guy: The first three months of any relationship is a lot of fun, so for many people it’s not worth arguing about anything much. However, it’s time for you two to open up now.

Say to your new girlfriend: “Please stop feeling you have to agree with me all the time. I’d like to hear what you really think — it’ll make things even more interesting.” Then clearly support her, even when she expresses totally opposing opinions to yours. Good luck with that! It’s harder than you think.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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