Don’t lose any more time with narcissistic user

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This article was published 23/01/2023 (1293 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend deserves a kick in the butt. He tricks his family into helping him do things he should hire people for by giving them a big sob story about his lack of money. Then he brags to me about it, saying what suckers they are for falling for his stories.

This week he bragged he’s much smarter than his brother the mechanic, who just fixed his car for free, after he pretended he was broke from buying Christmas gifts for his big family. I wanted to call him out over that, but he has a temper. What do you think?

— Unhappy Girlfriend, West End

Dear Unhappy: Time to wake up and dump this user! Your boyfriend will take family members for a ride to get freebie services, so what tricks has he already played on you?

A guy like this would not choose to be with a woman who he thinks would be onto him. He already knows the best way for him to keep a woman is to make her think she’s the only one he’s honest with. Plus, he senses you already fear his temper, so he will one day turn nasty on you. To his mind, even the people closest to him are considered fools, and do not get special treatment for any length of time. Make a fuss, and your trial period will soon wear out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m eating my heart out over seeing my old lover on New Year’s Eve. I thought I’d get over it in a week or two, but no luck. She’s in my mind as soon as I wake up, again after work and every single hour until I finally get to sleep. Why? Because she’s finally free — my former dream come true.

When I knew her, she was married to a decent but boring guy, and thought she could never get free, because she had little kids. But then he left her over another woman! Who knew he would liberate her one day? She was with a date at this party and she looked happy, although I caught her looking my way more than once.

Finally, I asked her to dance and our bodies fit together perfectly, like they always did. I can’t get that dance out of my mind. I kissed her forehead before she left the dance floor and she said two desperate words: “We can’t!” Should I call her?

— Not Sleeping, Wolseley

Dear Not Sleeping: You have one life to live, and this old affair partner is not married anymore. It would be helpful for you to hear why you two “can’t” get together now.

A good guess would be she’s heavily involved with the new guy, and the she felt the strong old physical attraction to you when you were dancing together. However, she doesn’t want to cheat with you again, because she remembers it being complicated and painful.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a guy who’s embarrassed about his big ears. It’s to the point I wear my hair long just to cover them up. The other day I was doing some precision carpentry work, and needed to tuck my hair behind my ears, so I could look down and see what I was doing. My work buddy saw my big ears for the first time, and started calling me “Dumbo,” like the cartoon elephant.

Unfortunately for him, he’s quite overweight and has a huge butt, so I called him a name you can’t print. He turned around and tried to deck me, just as the boss was walking in from his car. Now there’s a cold war going on. We’re not talking, beyond grunts. I refuse to apologize to him! He started it and owes me an apology. What do you suggest?

— Tense Silence at Work, Transcona

Dear Tense Silence: Stop! You’re both wrong, so you’re actually “even.” Say this to him: “Apologies may not be in order, but we do need to call a truce and start talking so we can continue to work here effectively and keep our jobs.” He’ll probably be relieved, even if he doesn’t say anything. Offer civil conversation when it’s needed, and he’ll probably answer you back. Few people can afford to lose a paycheque over a childish name-calling spat.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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