Constant suspiciousness can be poisonous

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When my wife — a travelling saleswoman — comes home, she’s tired. It’s not “business tired” but in a more physical way, like how she is when she’s been up all night making love with me.

She doesn’t even want sex as soon as she gets home anymore. She claims she has to rest after the exhausting business trip, but I don’t believe her. It’s become seriously upsetting for me.

I’m even calling her in the middle of the night at her hotel when she’s away, doing a “bed check” because I can’t sleep for worrying. I can just feel something bad is happening. She’s annoyed when I call her, and she can’t get rid of me fast enough. We used to talk for ages when she was away on trips.

This week I thought I heard a man’s voice in the background, when she was in her hotel room talking to me. I love her so much and don’t want to lose her by fighting — especially if I’m wrong, and she’s being true. What should I do?

— Worried Sick, The Maples

Dear Worried Sick: A healthier way of dealing with faithfulness worries about mates who are out of town on work projects is to take this attitude: “I will think about it when it hits me between the eyes.”

Anything else — like sideways comments or constant accusations or asking them to swear there’s nobody else — is a waste of time. It can easily corrode the love between you and your partner.

Do you think your wife is spending as much time feeling distrust for you, and worrying about you being true when she’s away? That’d be such a waste of her time!

Plus, if she came home from a trip, looking accusatory, how would you feel if you were innocent? “Indignant” wouldn’t even cover it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a university student from a country that’s so warm there’s never been snow. I love all sports, and I just started learning to skate on ice.

I love my hockey skates and hope to be able to play the game later this winter.

Some of the figure-skating women practising at the rink where I go like to take my hands and skate on either side of me to keep me from falling.

Does this mean they just like me as a friend, or more than that? I like one of them very much, but I don’t know how Canadian girls think yet.

— New Skater, Fort Richmond

Dear New Skater: Welcome to Canada and I hope you continue to enjoy learning to skate. As for Canadian women and they’re thinking, they tend to like a little adventure. They probably find you an interesting and brave guy because of the fact you’re learning to ice-skate at this point in your life.

So, to get closer to them as friends, why not ask them about how they learned to skate and how they’ve put their skills to use over the years. They’ll likely ask you about the place you’re from and how you’re liking your first winter with snow.

It could be the start of a lot of fun times and some great new bonds.

As for charming the girl you like best, just see how things go if the friendships prosper. If there’s a spark between you, I’m confident you’ll both realize it. Have a fun, active winter!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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