Put in the effort to get your marriage back in gear

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife informed me over dinner tonight she doesn’t want “the last box of chocolates at the drugstore” for her Valentine’s Day gift this year. That’s where we’re at. Pathetic, I’d say.

I used to write her love poems for the special day, but that’s when she was being loving and we were happy. In response to my poems about her, she would always write up a list of my good qualities in a giant card and we’d light candles and make love all night.

But now things have changed. Nothing I do pleases her anymore. I can feel we’re nearing a dangerous crossroads. I’m not sure if I want to keep driving down this road or hit reverse.

I’m in early retirement and tired of being nothing more than her errand boy. What do you suggest? I do know other women, and one of them really thinks I’m great.

Help me please, before it’s too late and I do something foolish.

— Nearing End of the Line, St. Vital

Dear Nearing End: If both people in a relationship are hoping to find their way back to better times with each other, that spoken desire should the beginning of the new journey.

What needs to happen is to back up and start “dating” each other again — going out to do fun things together or with other couples who are close and happy. The sweet way they treat one another other can often rub off on the other couple.

That’s what you and your wife need more of now in order to find your way back to a more-loving bond. But be patient, as it takes time for relationships to recover, though they often can.

Just be sure to stop hanging out with other couples who aren’t happy with each other, as negativity also often wears off on those around them. And don’t even think about this other woman who thinks you’re great. That would be a car crash.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: For this Valentine’s Day, I need emergency help on getting a sexy present to give my girlfriend. She wants something she can brag about.

Last year I gave her expensive black lace panties, and she was a little disappointed because she couldn’t easily show them off to her girlfriends at the bar. But I know she really loved them. Now how do I top that?

— Romantic Giver, St. James

Dear Romantic Giver: Since you already know your way to the lingerie shop, you might want to add to your girlfriend’s collection with a strapless black-lace supportive top called a bustier. But you might need to take your mate with you to find the right size for this specific piece. She won’t mind not being surprised, as it’s already Valentine week, and you won’t be the only lovers in the shop having some fun.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is very pregnant and all she wants is normal clothes to wear until after the baby arrives. That’s not very exciting for Valentine’s Day.

What can I give her now that she would enjoy wearing that’s a bit more alluring than sweatpants? I love her so much.

— Loving Husband, North Kildonan

Dear Loving Husband: Your wife will soon be up a lot of nights with the baby. So consider buying her a sumptuous but washable velvet-like robe that’s short enough she won’t trip over it while carrying your precious child — and will look a little sexier for Valentine’s Day. Congratulations to you both.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just started dating a guy who is everything I really want. We have both had several relationships and are in our early 30s. What would be appropriate as a Valentine’s Day gift? We are not using the love word, yet.

— Being Careful, Silver Heights

Dear Careful: You can do this. Show that you’re getting to know this man by choosing something related to an interest of his and wrap it up nicely. Avoid the mushy stuff on store-bought cards and write your own cute message to him so you don’t scare him away at this point.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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