Don’t stay with cheating husband for sake of pets

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The only thing keeping my husband and I together right now are the animals we called our forever babies, and we don’t want to lose them or for them to be separated from us and each other.

We live in the country on an acreage close to the city where we creatively built a wonderful world for us and all our animals. We both said we didn’t want to have children because of our own unhappy upbringings.

In the fall it came to light that my husband had another woman in his life. I was horrified, and raised the roof. He apologized all over the place and it seemed the affair was over, but I just found out it didn’t really end.

He comes home to the “ranch” every night at supper, but we don’t make love anymore. I guess he’s saving himself for her, whoever she is, and it’s tearing me apart.

I don’t want to leave this place I love and our family of animals. I make enough money to keep it on my own, though it might be lonely. Now what should I do? Please help me.

— Hurting Animal Lover, St. Norbert

Dear Hurting: Hire an animal-loving live-in female helper and start building your life in the direction you want it to go.

To keep things simple, look for a woman familiar with country living who actually has animals she loves. Ask her to bring them and move in as your house-and-animal keeper to look after things for you and your fur babies when you’re at work.

Provide a vehicle and gas if she needs that so she can get around and doesn’t feel trapped. Pay her good money.

Have her come for a trial week and stay close to make sure she is the kind of person she says she is.

Introduce her to the neighbours you know. Take her around to the stores and supports you have built up, and make sure she has a schedule with days off.

If she’s happy and you’re happy and the animals are happy, then you’ve won.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The new lady in my love life has turned out to be a whiner. I can’t stand the tone she uses when she wants something done differently. She kind of whimpers, like she thinks I won’t listen to her, instead of just addressing the issue head on.

Last night I lost it and said, “Stop whining like a big baby,” and that really turned on the tears full blast.

Is it petty of me to think I should run from a whiner? My mother used to whine and it drove me crazy. I’m sure she’s still whining in the afterlife. Help please.

— Allergic to Whining, West Kildonan

Dear Allergic: When I look into my crystal ball, I see many nasty fights ahead. Yes, you need to run away from this new lady. You already know you have a low tolerance for whining, and it’s even lower when she sounds like your mother.

Just tell her nicely that this new relationship is not going to work for you. And when she whines “Tell me why?” tell her bluntly. Don’t let her hang around to find out if she can stop the habit because it will probably appear again as soon as she lets down her guard.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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