Titillated titters could leave intimacy in tatters

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I often get the giggles when I’m getting excited about having sex, and it turns my partner off. We’re not terribly young, but we are a newly together lesbian couple, and serious about loving each other.

I know I am less than the perfect intimate partner. I sometimes find sex one of the silliest things two people in love can do together, and my nervous giggling wrecks the whole process of making love. Please advise.

— Awkward, West End

Dear Awkward: Nervousness can make some people laugh during sensual build-up, especially if they start feeling unsure of themselves and what to do next. Unfortunately, a lot of giggling is a mood-breaker and can halt the whole thing! It can also result in the non-laughing partner feeling self-conscious or belittled.

Turning down the lights can help to ease self-consciousness, as well as awkwardly staring into your partner’s brightly lit face. Sensual music can also definitely help to relax a couple, and set the right mood. Find out what romantic music your partner really likes and make sure you have enough tunes cued up that it’s not going to end quickly and awkwardly.

And remember, the worst thing you can do when you feel unsure and awkward is to point it out to your partner, as that can derail the whole thing. Instead, go with the flow of the sensual music, rather than getting too analytical.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My divorced mom recently shocked me by telling me she’s dating a guy from her past — from high school days. I’m worried because she’s totally out of practice with men.

Last week I finally met her new man. He’s got a great job, great car, is still pretty good-looking and must make a lot of money.

But I started asking around about him, and this week I found out he hasn’t bothered to divorce his wife after many years of separation!

I know the man’s son from a sport we’re both involved with. I finally asked him about his father dating my mom and about a few other things. He didn’t flinch. He said his dad knows a lot of women “and they chase him a lot.” Should I advise my mother of this or should I butt out? I don’t like the feel of this guy.

— Worried Son, River Heights

Dear Worried Son: Have a talk with Mom about this guy’s unchanged marital status and his popularity with the ladies. Let her know what you learned about him from his son.

Fill your mother in, in complete detail!

Then be quiet and let her do most of the talking. She may not want to say much until she digests what she has heard, but at least the conversation has started and she will be thinking seriously about the situation.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My athletic new girlfriend thinks it’s pathetic I don’t know how to swim, and has been trying to teach me how in a pool. This is to get me ready for her big birthday bash which is coming up at her parents’ lake cottage.

I’m a big, clumsy guy and swim like a rock. The best thing I can do is wear a life preserver, but then I’ll look like helpless nerd. Help!

— The Rock, North End

Dear Rock: Buy the nicest heavy-duty inflatable floaty you can find (some look pretty cool these days) and use it all the time in the lake.

Don’t waste time trying to explain to everybody why you don’t swim. Just inform them you don’t and that swimming lessons from a professional in the city are in the works.

Then make that true, ASAP. Your life is precious!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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