Wallowing in jealousy will get you nowhere

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is beautiful and has a top-heavy body that just won’t quit — and she knows it.

When we went to the beach last weekend, people stood staring at her as she came out of the water in her striped bikini. I really don’t know how to react when this happens. I feel like running up and covering her assets with a towel.

I just want to grab her and say, “She’s mine,” even though I know she’s loyal to me and it would only get me in trouble with her. How can I cope better with this?

— Jealous Guy, Grand Beach

Dear Jealous: You would be a fool to show your jealousy and tell your girlfriend to cover up. Trying to guilt your partner at the beach would be bad news indeed. It’s not like she’s exhibiting herself in any way differently than all the other beachgoers looking to enjoy the water.

Instead, get yourself a new set of swim trunks that suit you, and stride into the water with your mate. Be positive and instigate some fun together in the water you’ll still be remembering in the winter. Soon enough, you won’t be paying attention to anybody else and people will just look your way and think, “What a lucky guy.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just got an emotional jolt at my new golf club, and I can’t get past it.

I ran into an old high school love of mine — the one I never quite got over. I’m married now, but he’s not. It was clear when we spotted each other — and he hustled right over to me — that we’d never really lost the physical attraction between us. Now we’ll be seeing more of each other at the club without even trying.

I’m feeling guilty, but I have no control over my excitement. I even dreamed about him last night.

Is this a danger to my marriage, which I’d describe as OK, but boring? If so, what should I do?

I’ve already gone through one divorce, and I don’t want to do it again. I think it may be too late though, as I already keep hearing in my head that old phrase, “Be still, my heart.”

— Smitten, North End

Dear Smitten: Historical attraction with an old lover often doesn’t go anywhere. It’s like spotting a car in a parking lot you formerly owned and loved. You might stare at it in fascination and lightly caress a fender, but it’s not going home with you, as you’ve moved on.

You say you don’t want another divorce, so why not channel some of this flirtatious energy into rekindling things with your husband?

Your crush on the old ex will probably simmer down soon because you broke up with this person due to serious-enough problems between you in the past, and they would very likely flare up again if you gave it another go.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have unwanted feelings for a guy at my church who is getting divorced.

I don’t want to feel this way as it’s too soon after his breakup — and my own, for that matter.

But my hormones don’t listen to reason. The physical attraction is there and it’s getting too strong for me to resist.

Of course, I haven’t told him how I feel. We’re just involved in a lot of church matters together, and I’m attracted by his compassionate manner.

The fact he’s so good-looking doesn’t hurt either.

Should I make the first move, or should I keep waiting for him to do so?

What if he gives me a lecture on keeping things impersonal so we can get important things done at our church? That would be so humiliating.

— Big Eyes For Church Guy, Downtown

Dear Big Eyes: You’ll likely only regret it if you don’t make a move on your feelings, so take a chance and hopefully it’s mutual.

If this man gives you a lecture on keeping things impersonal, that’s a hot tip to back off fast, and for good. He obviously isn’t having the same feelings of attraction you are.

In that case, look elsewhere for someone with some of his best qualities who is already available and not recently getting out of a marriage.

Inter-church group activities might also turn up a similar kind of guy who is part of a project you could take part in and get to know him better. It could be a start.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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