Son is going to have sex, so prepare him

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This article was published 27/01/2017 (3231 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is a lovely, easygoing lady who provided everything we could want growing up. She was always there after school to help us debrief, get something to eat and talk about any problems. I remember yelling hi when I got home and she would answer back from somewhere in the house. It was very comforting. I was lucky.

I’m a working single mom, and compared to her, I’m not the greatest mother. I feel guilty, but don’t know what to do. The kids are in junior high now and say they don’t need after-school care, but they have to let themselves into an empty house until I get home after picking up groceries for dinner.

They’re alone, or else they bring friends, which can be scary. One of my boys is in Grade 9 and has a cute new girlfriend who is a year older. I hear from his younger brother he sometimes brings her home. I worry about what could be happening up in his bedroom. Please help.

— Guilty Absent Mom, The Maples

Dear Guilty Absent Mom: Teens need a little time to decompress after school. The only thing you can do to lessen your guilt and worry is to cut the time shorter on the trip home by doing your week’s grocery shopping on the weekend. You could also give them a call at about 4 p.m. to say hello and ask if they need anything. 

As for the cute older girlfriend, the best you can do is say, “I know you have a girlfriend and you’re hopefully a long way from having sex, which could get her pregnant, even doing it just once. That’s why we need to have this responsibility and protection talk.” Leave him with some quality condoms and tell him: “I hope you don’t need these, but if you ever do, these are better than the cheap ones out of machines.” Also talk to him about backup protection and give him some written information as well.

He may dismiss this as silliness and overkill, but we all know things can get steamy very quickly, and caution can evaporate in the heat of the moment. Also talk about the girl’s menstrual cycles, when things are most dangerous in a regular cycle and that the two of them will have no clue if her cycle is irregular. He may hear all this tedious, un-sexy information and think it’s not even worth trying to have sex at this point in his life. Yes, I know that’s unlikely, but one can hope.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My neighbour, who’s retired and trying to get away from his nagging wife, is driving me nuts. He snowblows the edges of his yard for no reason and blows it into my yard. I complained and he told me to take a hike. He said, “It’s my property and I’ll do what I like.”

Yesterday, I took a wheelbarrow full of snow, rang his doorbell and dumped it at the bottom of his step. I said, “You left some of your $%&* property in my yard!” and took off. My husband says I owe this jerk an apology. What do you think?

— Taught the Jerk a Lesson, Westwood

Dear Taught the Jerk a Lesson: It’s not realistic that you’ll go next door and bow to the jerk, nor will he apologize. What might work is your husband reaching out to your neighbour’s wife to try to broker a peace, but she may be just as hot-headed as her hubby. It’s still worth a visit to try to call off the fight; otherwise you’re in for more Snow Wars. Any readers have ideas on how to solve this? Please write in to the address below.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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