Fun times with liar are bound to expire

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This article was published 20/03/2017 (3489 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a new girlfriend who makes stuff up. She tells me stories about her childhood and I find out later some stories are true, some are half-true and some are huge lies. I think she’s lots of fun and very entertaining, but I worry.

My dad has always said people who tell lies are dangerous because sooner of later they’re going to tell lies about you. My girlfriend tells lies about herself to impress people, or to get their sympathy. She’s never said anything false about me. Come to think of it, I don’t really know that. — Worried Now, Downtown

Dear Worried Now: What if you got further involved with this woman, and then you wanted to break up and she got upset? She might tell terrible lies about you because you rejected her. If she were upset enough, she might tell lies that could have the police at your door. Listen to your dad, as he is absolutely right: liars can be very dangerous and have put other people in jail.

Back off gently by being boring and busy and no fun sexually, as soon as possible. Don’t inflame her by telling her she’s a liar and critizing her and making her angry. Let her dump you and just be happy to get yourself out of this relationship.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I wrote a goodbye letter to my stingy-with-feelings boyfriend that was an outpouring of my soul. I didn’t give it to him right away because it was so embarrassing and intimate. I hid it just a little under the mattress, for later consideration and possible changes. That evening my boyfriend took a running leap onto the bed and the letter (in an envelope with his name on it) slipped out on the floor. He took it to the bathroom, locked the door and read it.

When he came out, he was red around the eyes and I could tell he had been crying. He started packing his stuff to move out of my apartment. He wouldn’t listen to my pleas. I ran after him outside in my bare feet begging him to come back and talk. He said no, with tears running down his face: “Just because I can’t express feelings in words doesn’t mean I don’t have them and I didn’t love you!”

Now he won’t take my calls and he’s living back at his parents’ house. I guess he did love me, but just could never say it. What am I to do now? I love him, but can’t live without words of love, or I feel unloved. — Feeling So Awful, St. James

Dear Feeling So Awful: This is sad to say, but just because he finally cried and said he loved you doesn’t mean he’s a good match for you. You need a guy who doesn’t have to have verbal expression of feelings forced out of them. Yes, he may feel a lot, but you would live a lifetime of feeling insecure and deprived with this kind of man. A shy woman who can’t express her deep feelings would be a good match for him and a different guy who is open and verbal about his love for you would be a better match for you.

So let him be. Don’t pester him to come back. You expressed it all in your letter and left that letter in a chancy spot underneath the mattress of the bed you shared. It’s time for both of you to get by this breakup and find partners who are naturally suited to both of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I live in the country. The other day I watched a big bird plummet to the earth and snatch up a wriggling rodent in its mouth and I felt the terror of that animal being killed. I was awake half the night feeling what that little poor little thing felt.

I also feel other peoples’ strong feelings when they walk past me feeling upset about something — it’s like a black cloud with a dull ache. I have a hard time watching TV on a big screen or a movie because I will identify with the main character and go through the whole experience with them emotionally.

Frankly, I’m no fun because I pick up peoples’ feelings and I will often bug them until they tell me what’s wrong. My kids and co-workers don’t like that. Is there anything seriously wrong with me? — Upset By Other’s Feelings, Manitoba

Dear Upset By Other’s Feelings: You’re extremely empathetic. That can be difficult, especially when you see something traumatic happening in real life and you’re helpless to stop it. You can dial this back somewhat when watching movies and TV by pulling back and tracing the boxy edges of the TV or movie with your eyes and reminding yourself that it’s just a TV show, or it’s just a movie. That helps to disconnect you from the character you’ve been empathizing with. Also, say to yourself frequently: “I am looking at actors playing out a story.”

Staying abreast of the news will be easier for you with newspapers and radio, rather than TV. There are also mini-courses for empaths on how to protect themselves from too much emotional input from the people around them. They’re given periodically in the Radiance Gifts classroom attached to the shop, at 7-875 Corydon Ave. (204-284-4231).

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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