Drop-in visit from naked girlfriend had a deeper meaning

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This article was published 25/03/2017 (3151 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Three days ago, there was a knock at my door and it was my girlfriend of only a month. She came unannounced on a Saturday morning. For all she knew, I could have been with some other woman.

She came in the door, opened her coat and she was wearing her birthday suit and high boots. I knew what she wanted and was more than happy to to give it to her. We cuddled for 10 minutes afterward before she jumped up, put on her coat and left, just as unexpectedly as she arrived. What was that all about?

— Her New Target, North End

Dear Her New Target: A woman who is new in your love life might want reassurances you are hers and take the chance of coming over like that to check up on you. If you had turned her away because another woman was there, she would have left for good and you would never have known she was naked under the coat.

This woman didn’t want to appear needy. She came over, ostensibly to surprise you with sex. She didn’t want to look like she’s insecure, so after the seduction, she didn’t hang around long. She swept out of your place with the same look of confidence (and relief) she had when she saw there was no other woman there.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I was in my 20s, I hung out with five platonic male friends and dated guys outside that circle. I liked being one of the guys. I’m athletic and can play soccer and hockey with the best of them. Life was good. I was in no hurry to marry. Now I’m 32, and most of my friends are married.

Recently, one of my old buddies from the group got divorced and he was relieved, not grieving. I happily accepted his return into my life. And then the other night, as I was about to leave a gym, he said, “I want to do something with you.”

I turned and asked him what, and he said, “This,” and kissed me. It was no peck and I returned it!

He told me he always felt that way about me and his wife knew about his feelings for me. I was shocked, though not really displeased. I had always had a secret crush on him, too. I think I want to explore this but he’s such a great friend I would hate to lose him if it didn’t work out. Should I back off?

— All Mixed Up, Charleswood

Dear All Mixed Up: Back off? No, take this wonderful chance life has opened up to you. A friend who turns out to be a lover can end up being the love of your life. You aren’t married and he’s free now. Give it all you’ve got, and if it burns out, at least you tried.

Sometimes you have to open yourself to whatever develops, think positively and hope for the best. If you don’t win, just like in sports, take a deep breath, walk away, think it over, get yourself together and look ahead to the next game. You don’t let yourself get bitter and quit the sport.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve about had it. My mother is so clingy since I moved out. She keeps phoning and asking me nosy questions about all areas of my life. I have an education and a good job in my field. I moved out with two friends, but she phones too much, like twice a day! Sometimes she has nothing to say except to ask how I am doing in the morning, as if I’m still living at home and just woke up. I don’t want my damned temperature taken by phone every day, before I’m half awake.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my mom and realize I was her only child and she’s lonely with my boring father, but I’m sick and tired of being her only interest. I told her yesterday quite rudely to get a life, join some activities and see her friends for dinners, outside. She just looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “You don’t know what it’s like to be a mother.” Well, actually I do, because I see other mother-son relationships and these women do not smother their sons. Help!

— Can’t Breathe, St. James

Dear Can’t Breathe: This is the kind of situation you need to work out instead of totally pushing away. You could dump a whole bundle of activities and travel brochures in your mom’s lap and she probably wouldn’t look at them. Consider talking to a psychologist or relationship counsellor, and then taking her with you to a session to try to work out a comfortable relationship pattern for both of you.

Hopefully, your mom will like the therapist enough to come back for a few sessions alone, that you will pay for, to try to get herself out of the empty nest syndrome and into re-starting her social life, with or without her husband. You never know, though. Maybe your dad would like to get more active himself and have fun as a couple. Take him out for dinner alone and chat. You both love this woman, and the two of you working together might help this situation the most.

Consider doing different activities with your mom every week that she can count on, but not going for coffee and an “interview.” Take her to movies, shopping, gardening centres and concerts. You have the money to be a grownup son now, so step into that leading role. You’ll enjoy mom more, and she’ll phone you less.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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