Comments about body not an itty-bitty insult

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This article was published 10/04/2017 (3135 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend refers to my small breasts as the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, which he thinks is very funny. I think it’s rude and disgusting. He says he prefers my diminutive size to anything else because I go braless all the time, which he finds stimulating. I still hate his endless teasing. He’s skating on slippery ice because I could speak of his diminutive endowment in negative ways, but I don’t. I never would! I never speak of any previous experiences with men, as I am very sensitive to others. He talks about his big-breasted old girlfriends occasionally. How do I get him to stop?

— Thinking of Dropping Him, Brandon

Dear Thinking of Dropping Him: The degree of crudeness and insensitivity in this man suggests this would be far from his last name-calling insults directed at you, your family members and even your children (should you marry him). You can do so much better. When you’re dropping him, and speak of this hurtful insult, he may react, as many bullies do, by saying you have no sense of humour and can’t take a joke. Don’t bite. Just start walking! Pass on this guy and look for someone who is kind and classy, like you are.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife came home yesterday after spending $500 at a fancy nursery. I hit the roof! She told me to keep my opinions to myself, that it was her personal money and she would do what she wanted with it. That’s interesting. I spend my personal money on the family. She spent hers yesterday on freakin’ plants for the garden. She couldn’t care less about the kids and me. She could have bought them a new swing set for that money.

She says both halves of a couple should have their own personal money, aside from the joint household account, and the other partner doesn’t get a say in how it’s spent. Does that mean I can go and privately blow $500 at the casino and she doesn’t get any say? We both have great jobs, but that’s not the point, or is it?

— Blowing Disposable Income, St. Vital

Dear Blowing Disposable Income: Your large double income is part of the point. You don’t have to account to each other for every penny like so many families with little kids have to do. Can you not celebrate that luck, instead of fighting?

By the way, the private disposable income your wife spent yesterday was not very selfish. You and the kids also get to enjoy the beautiful yard and garden for three seasons, and you didn’t have to pay for half of it. On the other hand, if you went to the casino and blew $500, would she get to enjoy any of that? You just can’t compare those two examples of personal spending.

Does your wife also spend money on the kids’ clothes, food, toys and activities outside of the joint account? It’s highly likely she does. So, let’s talk turkey. What are you really upset about? Do you want to know everything about your wife’s money, on the total transparency principle? Does she see all your accounting? Does it perhaps worry you that she may have a savings fund of her own, and could walk away from the marriage if she needed to? Fifty per cent of marriages end in divorce these days, some of them through violence, and most women wish they had such a fund for security.

You could have said, “You spent your own money on all this for the house and for us to enjoy? Our yard is going to look absolutely beautiful because of you. Let me throw in half.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into an old girlfriend — bumped her hard in the behind — with my grocery cart. She turned around to call me some sort of name, and we both started to laugh. After we paid for our groceries, we sat down for a quick coffee. My God, she was beautiful, and eight months pregnant, too! We broke up because we got bored with each other — we could finish each other’s sentences.

Now we’re in our early 30s with interesting careers. She was so exciting at coffee. Why didn’t we hang in there through the boring stage until we came to the next stage? I asked her for her phone number and she said firmly not to call her. “I’m married to a very nice guy, and even when I’m boring, he loves me just as much,” she said.

Now all I can think about is her, what her baby will look like and if it will be like her. Now my own wife looks boring compared to the woman I left in grad school for being boring. What is wrong with me?

— Unsatisfied Jerk, Winnipeg

Dear Unsatisfied Jerk: People you spend a lot of time with can be boring and then interesting, boring again and interesting, depending on what they’re up to. You and this woman were slogging through grad studies. That period can be totally draining with a lot of pressure, as people struggle to get their degrees. These serious students are not boring people, but their lifestyles, for a time, are anything but a hoot.

It’s quite all right in a relationship to say to your partner, “Darling, we’re getting boring. We need to go on a trip somewhere stimulating or sign up for clown school!” Life is a like a river and you choose someone you love and admire to travel down it. You shouldn’t blame them if the river hits a quiet spot. You can crank up the motor or wait for the rapids ahead. Don’t blame your wife if things get boring, or you’re going to have to change wives every two years. My musical prescription for you? Stir It Up by Bob Marley.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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