Holiday revelation about ex arouses suspicions

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This article was published 08/04/2017 (3465 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend just came back from a trip to Mexico with her friends. She casually mentioned that some guys we both know were at the same resort, and they spent time with them. She left out one guy’s name when she first talked about it — a guy she used to go out with — until I finally realized these were his friends, and asked her point-blank. She admitted he was with them, but said nothing happened.

I don’t believe her. I can tell by the way she won’t meet my eyes. So now I’m really in trouble because I’m in love with this girl and trusted her 100 per cent to go down there with her female friends and have fun, but it looks like they brought their own supply of guys, including her ex. She’s acting scared. I don’t know what to do. — Still In Love, Winnipeg

Dear Still in Love: She’s a sneak, doesn’t tell the whole truth and tries to get away with it. And even though she may not have had sex with her ex, you’ll always wonder.

She may have rediscovered on holiday that he’s not for her anymore, but that doesn’t make up for knowing he was going to be on this trip that you weren’t invited on, and she didn’t initially tell you he was there.

This discovery just happened, so you’re still partially in love, and not ready to dump her. Let it drag out until the good feelings outweigh the bad, which could take a few weeks or months. Let the sand run out of the timer. She’ll get tired of you questioning her, and she’ll get tired of feeling like the bad person in the relationship, so she may walk herself .

Some relationships don’t crash and burn when the trust is in question, they just peter out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 10 and my sister is 12 and we live on a farm where it’s boring. My sister isn’t as brave as me at experiments. She’s jealous. How can I act like a chicken, so she can feel as brave? That’s dumb, but I want her to like me more. Her closest friend is a big chicken, like she is.

How can my sister and I be close like other sisters when she’s always whining and telling my mom on me for my experiments?

Like today, I tried to get her to hold the kite string while I loaded the kite up with heavier and heavier stones taped on it to see how much it could carry. She was freaking out over a few rocks falling off. We both walked to the house mad, and she told mom.

All she wants to do is put on the makeup she’s got hidden under mattress. I don’t tell on her. — Braver Sister, Manitoba

Dear Braver Sister: You need common ground. Dragging a sister into experiments such as testing weight-bearing limits with rocks is never going to work. She’s in a girly-girl stage right now. If she asked you to join her, trying on 12 different colours of eyeshadow, you would hate it.

So what can you do together that you would both like? Can you play new board games? Act out a made-up skit with costumes and get your mom to film it on her cell? Can you still ride bikes together or plant a pumpkin patch to harvest at Halloween? Go to movies? Bake a crazy decorated cake for your mom’s birthday?

Ask your sister what she would like to do, and participate enthusiastically. Yeah, fake it. Take lots of pictures and make memories together as sisters right now, because one day you and your sister will live apart. Have easy fun with her, and do the wild stuff with other friends.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t think it’s fair to say my business partner/friend is a total idiot, but he’s clueless at most things, and lazy.

We’re both in university. I went into a little side business with him because I had the brains, the idea and hard-working nature to make money, and he had the $1,000 start-up money.

I put in most of the work and he seemed to think the money was enough. As long as he let me run things, it was running very profitably. Then he started to think he knew what we should be doing, and started changing things without consulting me, always reminding me of his $1,000.

Last week, we got into some serious fighting and I almost punched him in the face. If we dissolve this business before school’s out, he says he’s taking most of the profits because his $1,000 started it.

I’m happy to end the partnership with this jerk, but I want 50 per cent of the profits (when I really deserve 80 per cent because I did most of the sales).

My dad says to accept the 30 per cent he’s offering and walk before we become enemies for life. What do you think? — Want a Fair Deal, North End

Dear Want a Fair Deal: You guys are young and started as friends. So, how about this? Your friend keeps his initial investment, and you two pay any remaining bills from the remaining money. Then negotiate a 40-60 split and consider the experience to be as valuable as six months at college.

Without him, you wouldn’t have had a business and gained so much practical experience and knowledge. Let him have his extra 10 per cent, then let it go.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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