Trying to conceive baby making couple crazy

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This article was published 19/04/2017 (3399 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I married a wonderful woman two years ago. She is warm and lovely like she was before we got married, but only 75 per cent of the time. One week a month, she’s prickly. You would think her period was a week of mourning. I would understand that if painful periods and depression were part of the experience before we married, but back then, it was nothing.

Now she’s upset every month because she’s not pregnant and I’m starting to feel like a failure for not getting her pregnant.

I want a child, too, but not at the expense of our relationship and I’m really getting fed up. We only decided to have a baby six months ago, and after the second month, she was acting like every month we had a failed bombing mission and I’m the cause. —Frustrated Bomber, Fort Garry

Dear Frustrated Bomber: Do some research on pregnancy (which doesn’t always happen instantly) and encourage her to see her doctor. What kind of health is she in? Is she well? Does she have enough weight to support a baby growing inside her? If not, now is the time to get her into tip-top health.

She may want to talk to her gynecologist and learn more about the situation. Blaming you every month for not getting sperm to one of her countless eggs is not helping and is eroding the relationship. Tell her that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I thought my mother had it good, but she hid all the bad things my father did to her from us. A drunk aunt at the lake last weekend told us some stories, and now we all know my father was violent to our mother when we were out of the house, but never marked her face. That’s why she always wore long sleeves.

He also cheated on her, drank and gambled the grocery and clothing money away. I always wondered why my mother started to work as a cleaner (for cash). She had a good job before with regular paycheques, and apparently my father knew exactly how much money she had to deposit into the joint account, which he would then spend at the bar and casino.

She covered for him and made him look like a responsible father. He was decent to us, but not a fun dad or a warm personality. I hate the @#$% now!

The next morning I went to visit him in the town where he lives now. I told him what my aunt had told me. He cursed her, but couldn’t deny it.

I cursed him worse and he stood up to grab me and I punched him once in the face and once in his fat gut on the way down. He crawled back into the armchair and sat there beside his beer, and finally squawked, “You finished? Get out of here and don’t come back. You always were a momma’s boy!” And I said, “Thank God I didn’t take after you.”

I’m feeling terribly angry and bitter. How do I live with this? — Hate My Father, Manitoba

Dear Hate My Father: This is the time where you get counselling. There you can talk, cry and rage freely.

When the time comes, ask your mother to join you at your expense. Then you can ask her all of your questions, cry and talk together, and look for a way to peace, with the counsellor’s help.

You might also want to attend some meetings of the support group Al-Anon for people who have friends and family with addictions, to find out more about your father’s alcoholism and gambling, and how to deal with it, or not deal with it.

By the way, it’s a very good thing you were a momma’s boy. She hid bad stuff from you, true. But if she hadn’t, it might have twisted you up as a kid or teenager.

It’s hard enough to know now as an adult. Too bad she didn’t leave the situation and take you kids somewhere else. Ask her about that in counselling. Ask everything!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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