Seeing old boyfriend brings up dirty laundry

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/04/2017 (3125 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am married and bored, but my old love from high school has come back and bought a house in our old neighbourhood about two doors down from my mom’s. Now I go over to my mom’s in the early morning to do laundry, even though my machine works fine. Sometimes I get a glimpse of him walking to his car to go to work. (I park myself in my mom’s recliner beside the window.)

I’m 30 and so is he. He still doesn’t have a wife and I don’t have babies yet. The only impediment to going over to visit him is my husband and marriage. My husband is more like a friend these days.

My boyfriend and I split up because I wanted to travel the world. We were high school sweethearts. While I was away on another continent having a ball travelling, partying and seeing other guys with accents, he met another girl and thought he might marry her. He wrote me about it. I was deeply hurt and angry. Instead of fighting for him, I told him where to go. I came back and ended up marrying a guy I loved a lot less, and then my high school love ended up dumping his fiancée.

I saw him leave his house again just now. I would like to run to him and throw myself at his feet; instead I’m sitting on my mother’s recliner rocking as the laundry goes round and round — just like me, going nowhere.

What should I do? I haven’t broken up with my husband because what if my first love doesn’t want me? I am the original chicken. I hate being alone.

— Chicken Little, Winnipeg

Dear Chicken Little: The name of the game is not musical chairs. The name of this game, with very serious stakes, is honesty over pride. You need to walk up to this man when he is on his way into his house and ask if you can chat. Find out who he’s become. Is he the person you loved in high school, or has he developed into something else?

You may have been romancing a dream in your mind, instead of the real person. Or not! He may be just the same and you may discover you’re still truly in love.

Don’t suggest an affair. Think it over, and if you want to, get free from the man you don’t love and let him have a chance to find someone who does. After a number of months, maybe you can start seeing your old sweetheart, if he’s willing. He may or may not feel the same way about you at first, but this time don’t get mad: fight to make it right with him, if you possibly can.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have caused a lot of trouble in my life and narrowly missed going to jail when I was 19. My uncle saved my life by coming to get me in Ontario and taking me to Manitoba, getting me away from my drug buddies. He gave me a job in his business with more responsibility than I deserved. I was a very difficult case at first, but I made everybody proud of me finally.

Now my younger stepbrother is headed in the same bad direction I was. My uncle has suggested we go and get him from my mom’s and bring him to Manitoba, and put him to work in the business with us.

My uncle has visions of me helping to straighten the kid up. I don’t really feel like it. I have a nice life here in Winnipeg and don’t want to give it up to pay it forward. What do you think?

— Ungrateful Nephew, Winnipeg

Dear Ungrateful Nephew: Do it, even if it’s hard. It’s the final phase of your development as a man. You need to help yourself grow out of your helpless-to-help attitude and into a mature guy who can have a family and help others. Plus, you really owe your freedom and your successful working life to your uncle.

So, be straight with your uncle and say something like this: “I can’t do this all alone, but I will certainly dig in. I’m not as good a rescuer as you are. I will need help and coaching, especially if this kid’s going to be as difficult and pig-headed as I was. Can you come with me to get him, and we’ll do this together?”

Good luck to you both. Please write back and let us know how it goes.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography