Breakup letter received 30 years later

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/04/2017 (3432 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got a shock in the mail — a handwritten “Dear John” letter from an old girlfriend dated 1987. It was enclosed in a bigger envelope with a short letter from her, dated one week ago. Her mother is sick now and in hospital and was confessing her sins.

Her mom admitted to never mailing the letter she knew was the breakup letter from my girlfriend to me at university. She was still at home in Grade 11. I could only get back home about once a month.

She had written to say she was going to start seeing a different guy. That letter never got to me, of course, so when I came home a week later, she and this guy were already the new couple around town. Everybody else knew. All I said to her when I caught them holding hands was, “You could have told me first!” and she said, “But I did!” I never spoke to her again, and I was bitter. Hell, I’m still bitter.

In the hospital, her mother told her she had buried that letter in her bottom drawer because she loved me like a son and didn’t want us to break up. Apparently, she didn’t know her daughter already had a new boyfriend. The old envelope was not ripped, so I’m guessing her mother may have steamed it open.

It was strange to get this personal stuff 30 years later, but now my old love is a young widow and she knows I’m divorced. She gave me her contact stuff to get in touch, if I want to. Should I?

— Can’t Decide, Winnipeg

Dear Can’t Decide: What else are you doing that’s so exciting?

Life doesn’t throw that many romantic dramas at people of a certain age unless you count online coffee dates with complete strangers, so why not meet and see what this old flame has to say?

She was 16 when she wrote you that letter to say she was moving on. You were a college guy only coming home on monthly visits. She had a right to break up and have a local social life and she tried to do it with the letter. Too bad her mother interfered. So blame it on her mom, and let go of silly old bitterness. At the least you can meet and have a big talk about her meddling mother and everybody else you know in common. If that’s all there is to the date — no romantic feelings — you can go your separate ways, having had a visit and forgiven each other.

Let us know how it goes, and don’t spare the details.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just came back from seeing my doctor and I have a serious illness. The really bad part won’t show up for a few years yet. Who should I tell? I’m scared to tell work as I might get pushed out somehow. I don’t want my kids to worry for any longer than they need to. What do you think? I’m not even sure I should tell my husband because he’s an emotional man and it would be hard on him. And what if they find a cure before my illness starts showing bad symptoms? Please help.

— Unknown Time Frame, Winnipeg

Dear Unknown Time Frame: Carrying this all by yourself means your doctor and your pharmacist are the only people you can talk to.

At least add your husband to the list, as well as any sibling you’re close to and possibly a best friend.

You need emotional support and people who know what’s going on should you suddenly start having symptoms and need help.

It’s also good to plan ahead and have a few people helping you keep up on the latest research.

If you fear your workplace might try to replace you or demote you — and you’re perfectly able to work now — you might keep it secret from them until things change and you’re starting to feel ill.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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