Boyfriend pimping out her slap-happy talents

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This article was published 31/05/2017 (3085 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a sexual slapper and my guy really likes it. I slap him whenever he gets on my nerves or doesn’t move fast enough and it excites him like crazy. I pretend I’m angry and he likes to revolt against me, the queen, and then I’m up against the wall.

This took a strange turn on the long weekend when he claimed his best friend (a creep) won a date with me in a poker game. He won the right to get his face slapped, nothing more.

I was not amused. In fact I’m thinking of dumping this so-called boyfriend who gambled me off instead of paying his poker debt. What do you think? — On the Brink, North End

Dear On the Brink: Get rid of this would-be pimp and his panting friends immediately. Your boyfriend obviously boasted about your private sexual game and then attempted to sell you off in a poker game as a service prize.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went out with this guy I was crazy about from a club and he wanted sex the first night. I said no and he hinted he could get it somewhere else that same night.

I didn’t even say goodbye. I left the club, and called my brother for a ride. He wanted to deck this guy, but I wouldn’t help him find him.

What’s with these guys who want sex on the first night and can find lots of women who will try the guy out before dating him seriously? That’s what he wanted me to do — audition as a sex partner because he thought he “might be interested in me romantically if the sex went well.”

According to him, that process is a thing now. Is it really? — Shocked, West Kildonan

Dear Shocked: There’s a growing group of people of all ages, partly trained by Tinder (a photo-dating app based exclusively on first impressions/looks). The idea for some people now is to have sex first and see if it’s any good.

It’s a bit like free love in the 1960s and ’70s, only that assessment was face-to-face, usually at a party. Most online hopefuls still like to meet in person at least once and have a coffee date and talk, though they’re also looking to see if there’s any chemistry.

The unfortunate part is people are too nervous to let their guard down and be their own silly, funny, attractive selves and are often too busy trying to sell each other on their lists of accomplishments. And they may have to own up to lying about their age and putting a younger photo on the dating site.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a wonderful diverse group of friends I hardly ever see. I don’t know how to tighten those relationships before they totally lapse.

They’re busy people and come from different parts of my life. We are steadily drifting apart with work and kids and other things. I am the common thread. I don’t know how to bring them all together. — Lost and Lonely, St. James

Dear Lost and Lonely: Forming a group to do a short-term charity project is a good experiment and a great way to combine friends who may not know each other well. They may be male, female, gay, straight, bisexual, married, single, from work, etc. They don’t have to come over as a group and sit in a circle and eat barbecue and try to a make conversation, they come over with a purpose, led by you. The project needs a time limit.

This world is in need of help in so many areas. Make a list of three to five organizations you’ve researched and vote on them. Then ask different people to play different roles, according to talent or skill. For instance, some people have vehicles to schlep stuff, others have trade skills, organizational abilities or are good on the phone.

Then you can get everybody together for an organizational party with food and refreshments. With a unified purpose, differences fade away and similarities emerge. They all want to help with the problem identified.

Check out canadahelps.org if you feel confused about where to look for a great challenge. You’ll get a better idea who is out there needing help and how your group of diverse friends could pitch in together.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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