Remember this rule: no sex in the pool

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/06/2017 (3358 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I had a pool installed last year and I spent all last season trying to convince her to have sex with me in the pool. She wouldn’t!

This year she’s trumped up (excuse the phrase) a new reason not to: she says it’s dangerous to get pool water up into your vagina.

Is she pulling my leg or is this really true? — Don’t Trust Latest Excuse, Southdale

Dear Don’t Trust Latest Excuse: She’s right. The chlorine in the pool can be irritating and cause redness and itchiness to the vulva. Also, an improperly chlorinated pool or hot tub can be risky for bladder infections. And, as you may know, water is not nearly as slippery as natural human lubricant, and being dry inside can be irritating and uncomfortable during intercourse.

Instead, set up a tented area in the backyard. You can heat things up with foreplay in the pool, then turn up some music and hit the tent for some sexy fun, and then slip back into the cool water for relaxing and floating together.

If you really want the feeling of making love in the fresh air, but don’t want the neigbours watching, put up a walled tent with room dividers and no ceiling so you can see the sun, moon and stars above you while you play.

P.S. Make sure you’re out of the view of the pesky two-storey neighbours and apartment dwellers with binoculars.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My tall, skinny wife ends up at the other end of the bed every night with her feet in my face on her pillow, or tucked under it. It weirds me out to reach for her in the night and get her long legs and feet under my arm, instead of her torso.

She didn’t do this before we were married. When I ask her why, she has no answer. What do you think? — New Husband, Osborne Village

Dear New Husband: The first months of marriage are sometimes a little too close for comfort for newlyweds, and people express it in different ways. Usually a few months into living together, they settle down again. This longing for space can occur if the couple has not been able to sleep together much before the nuptials, then suddenly, they’re eating, shopping, relaxing, making love and sleeping together. It’s a lot — too much for some.

Don’t get mad or insulted, and don’t chase her down to the other end of the bed when she’s sleeping. Roll away and give her more space to sleep. Slowly she will come back in until she reaches a place of comfort.

She may never want to sleep cuddling all night — most people actually don’t — but it usually doesn’t mean anything bad.

While it can simply be a need for a little more space and time to refuel as an individual, it can also be a matter of too much heat. Peoples’ chests and backs can get very hot in the night, and the combination of two upper bodies clamped together can be really steamy, and not in a nice way.

How about slipping a sheet around your chest and tucking it under your body so it’s not too hot, until you decide it’s playtime again. You two could buy a king-size bed, giving both of you lots of room to roll and shift so she doesn’t feel the need to dive to the bottom of the bed for some cool air and personal freedom.

Don’t worry. Space and freedom are a balance that is often upset by marriage and almost 24-7 intimacy. That doesn’t mean you’re falling out of love, it just means you’re trying to find a way to both be comfortable.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography