Don’t trust him? Dig into ex-lover’s past

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This article was published 28/06/2017 (3374 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a boyfriend in high school who was everything to me. He went away to university and I never saw or heard from him again. It’s like he wiped me off the map. Now he has found me on Facebook, he’s single again and wants to play. He offered no apologies or recognition of breaking my heart in pieces.

He’s still handsome and charming and my heart goes pitter-patter looking at his photos. My husband died young. My kids are leaving home this fall, then I’ll really be alone. I live in the country. I’m lonely already and no one out here is suitable. What should I do?

— Tempted, Rural Manitoba

Dear Tempted: The only reason to take back an old love who hurt you is because he’s changed in the most important ways, but there’s nothing different about this guy — he is still charming, good-looking, gutless and insensitive. He has a lot of nerve to come back and try to “play” just like that. He owes you a big apology for the way he loved you and left you heartbroken without a backward glance. And why did he and his wife break up? One has to wonder.

Do some detective work. With a little digging, you may be able to find out why he and his wife broke up, what kind of work he does and what he’s like as an adult.

No doubt he’s been home occasionally, though he didn’t get in contact with you because one or both of you were married at the time. That’s understandable. But he’s not an unknown to all the people from your past.

Look on his Facebook list of friends to see which old friends are there. That’s a starting point for your little investigation.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We’re taking our only child on a weeklong holiday, and he wants to bring his best friend with him. Is it a smart idea or a disaster in the making? We know our child will be bored in the backseat on the eight-hour drive there, but then there are cousins his age at the other end.

I’m also worried he and his buddy will fight, as they tend to get on each other’s nerves after a while. The trouble is the drive is interminable and he doesn’t know his cousins very well.

What do you think?

— Don’t Want a Disaster, Fort Garry

Dear Don’t Want a Disaster: Your child and his cousins will never bond if he arrives with a friend, and if those two start annoying each other and your son’s friend is homesick and wants to go home, then what? Leave early? Fly him home? His parents have to come? The answer is to make the trip fun instead of a marathon for you and your child.

It’s a temptation for adults to blast through an eight-hour drive, but it’s a bad idea with kids. So break up the eight hours by stopping at a lake for a swim, if possible, and a restaurant or two plus a few hours with games in the back and possibly a snooze.

Why must your child always be in the backseat? You three could shuffle around. Talking and seeing the sights is always best from the driver and passenger seats. The deal is you don’t allow any front seat passenger to sit and play with screens or a puzzle and ignore the driver.

On arrival, have gifts for the cousins that will involve everybody playing together and hang around a bit as the fun begins. Don’t just dump a kid on strangers, relatives or not.

The next time you go away for a quick weekend, you can take the friend. They aren’t likely to fight in three days and two nights together, but that’s still enough.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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