Insulting lover’s body will kill sex life

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This article was published 28/07/2017 (3028 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife chose the wrong bathing suit, and it’s fugly. It’s a bikini and she’s become a larger lady, so her stomach and upper hips bulge over the bikini bottoms. I haven’t said anything, yet,  but I see people staring at her at the beach. It’s worse at the back where she can’t see it. What should I say? Shouldn’t somebody tell her?

— Noticing the Bulges, Gimli

Dear Noticing the Bulges: Say absolutely nothing if you want to preserve an uninhibited sex life. That one hurtful remark, especially if you include the part about everyone else looking at her back view with a critical eye, would cause a much bigger problem than you ever imagined.

You never insult your lover’s body. A stranger staring could hurt her, but you could devastate her sexual confidence, which is half of what makes for great sex.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We took our young black lab to the lake for holidays and he loved it. He loves water and we were right near the beach. He actually strained toward the water and cried as we forced him in the car and drove away from the lake. He whimpered until he went to sleep. Now my wife wants us to get a backyard pool for the dog. We have no children, but I think this is a foolish indulgence. We are city people in a rental house, and he can just go to the lake when we do.

Yesterday, my wife was so mad at me, she encouraged him to have a shower in the house with her and then she jumped out and filled up the bathtub for him. He shook like mad in the bathroom and got everything wet, even after she towelled him off, and then she let him go free in the house. I was furious. She says she wants to look for a house with a backyard in-ground pool. She has ponied up half the money for the down payment from her savings, so she’s committed. I should also add, she was a competitive swimmer when she was younger. She is really pushing.

I don’t know what to say besides no. She also wants kids, but I don’t want them for eight to 10 years, as we are a youngish couple and she’s only 23 with an excellent career ahead of her, and she’s already a great saver. She’s acting like this dog is a substitute child and it’s getting ridiculous already. Any suggestions are appreciated.

— Up Against the Pool Wall, Winnipeg

Dear Up Against the Pool Wall: The good news is pools that come with houses often don’t cost more, as they can be harder to sell. Many people don’t want the hassle and the work that goes with a pool. The bad news is you owe her big time since she is holding off dreams of a baby for eight to 10 years — a long time for a woman in baby-making mode to wait.

Talk to your landlord. Could you compromise with an above-ground pool that she and the dog can easily get out of? And how about altering the baby plan to five years?

Later, you can get everything you want, but now may be too soon.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a laundering suggestion for In Love with a Stinker, whose partner smelled all the time. Body odours get right into the fabric of clothes being worn and may remain after laundering. Try treating that underarm area of shirts with vinegar before washing. I read your column because it is always different and about ordinary people, although some of the stories are weird. I find your answers sensible and respectful. Cheers!

— Delsie, Manitoba

Dear Delsie: Thanks for your idea, and for the vote of confidence. I really didn’t have a total answer for this super-stinky problem, so appealed to readers like you for help. Your idea of killing the odour in the fabric of the man’s sweat-soaked shirts makes a lot of sense in addition to deodorizing methods.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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