Things were going fine until woman vanished

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/09/2017 (3304 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had three great dates with a new woman in her 40s, but then it all went south. For no reason I can fathom, she stopped taking my calls, texts and emails.

We hadn’t been to bed yet, but it was heading that way, especially on our last date: a picnic at a park by the river. I don’t know what I said or did wrong. She said goodbye to me with a passionate kiss in the car. Then nothing. Gone. She won’t pick up when I call. It’s a complete mystery.

Why did she disappear?— Left In the Lurch, North Kildonan

Dear Left In the Lurch: When a person seems to be coming forward on the road to new romance and then suddenly takes off, a good guess is that a former love got jealous and returned. It may not be that you did anything wrong at all. It could be someone else still owned her heart.

In fact, you may have been such a sweetheart, the ex-guy got wind of it from friends or family that you could be a real contender.

Take that as your possible reason, hold your head high and look for someone who deserves you.

Any woman who’d ditch a guy with no explanation and cut off all avenues to discussion is not the angel that you thought she was. Most women would be decent enough to say goodbye and say why. Emotional courage is worth a lot in relationships, and she doesn’t have it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My unhappily divorced mother came to visit us at the lake last weekend and raised hell. I have not invited her to my cabin before, as it was a respite for me to be far away from her criticisms and demands. At the lake, she was pushing the idea of pets not being good for the babies or her. She did a lot of fake coughing when she thought of it.

Finally, she insisted I take the animals back to Winnipeg to stay at our neighbour’s instead of having them at the lake with her and the babies. I finally lost it and said, “I’ll put you in an old folks home before you know what’s happening. Get your stuff now! I’m driving you back to the city.” She called me a nasty name and said a few words I had never heard come out of her mouth before.

My wife and kids looked on in horror.

Grandma’s favourite grandson (she makes no bones about it in front of the other two kids) was sobbing when she said piteously, “Your daddy may never let me see you again, but don’t forget, grandma loves you.” You could still hear him wailing as we pulled away from the pier.

I may possibly love my mother deep down, but right now I hate her. She upset my wife and my kids and spoiled our holiday.

Right now, I never want to see her again. If I somehow let this incident go, it will only happen again.

— Head in My Hands, Winnipeg

Dear Head in My Hands: When things calm down inside you — give it a few weeks — make an unannounced short stop at her house with the grandkids for a visit, but don’t invite her over where you live with your pets. Use her excuse back against her — her precious health.

That way, she controls her own pet-free environment — not yours — and you can leave the minute things get tense.

If she wants to have her favourite child over, but not the other kids, think twice about starting that pattern. “Grandma always liked you best” isn’t quite as serious as a parent showing overt favouritism to one child, but it still leaves a mark.

As for your relationship with your mother, ask her to tell you exactly why she starts so much trouble around you and insist on an answer. It could likely be that you remind her of your dad and she’s transferred that anger and hurt onto you.

Those feelings could be neutralized between you with professional counselling, but it’s always worth it to repair relationships with parents.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography