Arrogant man brags about past lovers

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This article was published 11/09/2017 (3252 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met an absolutely beautiful man. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him and I asked him out. I was more than tickled to have him coming home with me after two great evenings together. He was fun, the conversation was light and there was lots of champagne involved. He brought it over the night we made love.

The thing that bothered me was he brought up other women, as in “women find me this” or “women find me that.” Finally, I asked him how many women find him that way, and he said “more than my share,” and smiled a smirky little smile. Oh please. Why did he say that? — Turned Off Mr. Hotshot, St. Boniface

Dear Turned Off Mr. Hotshot: What did you expect his response to be? You were attracted to him physically and in bed with him like a shot. Why? Because of his intelligence, mutual values or warm personality? Nope.

The first thing you mentioned in your letter was his physical beauty. He went along with it, you had some champagne and giggles in bed, but he’s not pretending it’s anything more than sex-buddy stuff.

Had you taken time to really get to know him and established an emotional bond, he might have kept other women out of the conversation.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I didn’t ask for the mother I got. She came to my new high school and made appointments to talk to, like, everybody this month — teachers and guidance teachers, she calls them. She is so old fashioned. I’m totally embarrassed.

My mother has big ambitions for me, as she was smart but not very successful in the working world. Her parents had no money for education beyond high school. I’m an only child and I am also ambitious, but not when I’m pushed. I just don’t know my career area yet. She wants me to do all these stupid tests in Grade 10 already to see what I would be suited to, so I can slant my courses in the right direction. My dad has the money to send me to university, so my mom is all excited. How do I talk to her when she’s so obsessed? — Had It Up to Here, Winnipeg

Dear Had It Up to Here: You may be able to help yourself and your mom all at once. Be sneaky about this. It’s not too late for your mother to have a successful career since her only child is in high school now. Talk to your mom casually about what she would have liked to have done education and career-wise. Call the university and find out about prerequisites and coursework needed for your mom’s career path. If she doesn’t know what she would like, try to talk her into doing the same career aptitude tests as you are doing. There are also some online tests, but they vary in scope and reliability. When your mom starts living for herself and not through you, she’ll be much happier. I think you will find the letter below interesting.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just came back after a summer at the lake and got the kids ready for school. My husband came out faithfully every weekend, but still, I had the kids and their friends at an island with a boat and 100 per cent responsibility the rest of the summer. My husband was wonderful when he was there — he was very good with the kids and cooking. He just doesn’t clean and I don’t think he’s done a load of wash since we got married. Enough is enough. I’m bored spitless.

I have decided the time has come for me to get out of this old-fashioned pattern and go back to work. I got a great offer and just accepted the job, although it doesn’t start for a month when the kids are well settled down at school. It’s flex hours so I can accommodate the kids, who are 13 and over.

When I first told my husband he said, “But who will take care of the kids at the lake?” I said us together on the weekends and during holiday weeks in the summer. We could also send them to camp. He talked about our original idea to give the kids an old-fashioned family upbringing, but I told him I couldn’t deal with that plan anymore, so we would have to amend it. He put on his lawyer’s face and went to work to analyze this new turn of events, as if he could accept or deny my decision.

Ha!

How do I handle this guy who wants the same cushy home and family deal he’s had? I’ve been cook, housekeeper, social co-ordinator and school liaison for years. He and I both know it’s easier and more fun to work in a social adult workplace with colleagues. How should I handle him? — Back To Work, River Heights

Dear Back To Work: Handle it like a professional who has expected pushback: firmly and calmly. Do not say anything that sounds like an apology. Just say, “I have started to be bored and restless at home and have accepted this job and am very happy about it. I’ve organized everything for the kids. We have a cleaning service ready to come in and the kids can help more, too.

“Everybody will have to help with meals, but we can shop together and spend a few hours every weekend making stuff for the week.” Don’t argue, as if you’re in court. Discuss the done deal and details you’ve worked out. Hold that line without losing your composure. Enjoy your new lifestyle.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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