Chirping about crotch crickets ends threesome

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This article was published 12/09/2017 (2963 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I trust your advice and have agreed to go with what you say. We have an embarrassing problem. We almost had a threesome recently with a woman I know from university. We had part of a threesome, because the third got drunk first and let some shocking news out once we were into the preliminaries. She said she just recently took the cure to get over an infestation of “crotch crickets.” She giggled about it and said that she thought she should tell us first. My girlfriend and I were already naked and we both jumped a foot off the bed and headed for the shower and soap.

So much for a threesome. But now, this same lady has contacted us and told us she’s been over it for a month and asked if we would like to reconsider. I reluctantly said I would discuss it with my girlfriend. I voted no way, but my girlfriend said, “I think she’s telling the truth and it’s been a whole month.” Just the thought of that woman gives me the creepy crawlies and I don’t know if I could even deliver. What should we do? My girlfriend says we should go for it because we don’t know if we are going to meet someone else to do it with. We need your vote to break this tie.

— Got A Hinky Feeling, Fort Rouge

Dear Got a Hinky Feeling: You voted a strong no on this particular group of three, and you should refuse again. So much can go wrong in a threesome besides etiquette problems (who spends more attention on whom, etc.) that starting with a creepy-crawly feeling is likely to result in non-performance for you anyway. And, if one person opts out along the way, it can be awkward with a twosome and an unhappy spectator.

As for your girlfriend’s worry that there might never be another chance for a threesome, discreetly putting the word out among university friends will probably net you a third before long. There’s lots of curiosity along this line with singles and couples in the 20-30 age group.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I didn’t expect this. I ran into an old boyfriend who was addicted to booze in the old days when we were crazy in love. We had been talking marriage, but his drinking broke us up. Now he says he has been clean for 15 years. I could fall so in love with him again, but I don’t trust him 100 per cent. He used to lie so much to everyone, as many alcoholics do. I only have his word. But it seems we still get along like wildfire and the attraction is deep. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt? I’m so tempted.

— Twice Fooled? Downtown

Dear Twice Fooled: Before you fall back into this relationship, you have to check his story out both through questions you ask him and independently. You need to know, for instance, how often he has quit and fallen off the wagon. You also have to know what has sent him back to drugs, drinking or both in the past. How do you feel about a non-drinking lifestyle yourself?

If you think this could get serious again, you need to verify his story with mutual friends or a sibling of his. You might get the go-ahead you are seeking, or find out he’s fibbing and you would soon be right back in the special hell that friends and families sometimes experience with a person who can’t stay quit.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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