Ending mother-son living situation best solution

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This article was published 17/09/2017 (2958 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just discovered my son has been sneaking his girlfriend into his basement room. I went downstairs at 3 a.m. to put the wash in the dryer because I couldn’t sleep. No wonder. When I got down there, I heard carnal noises and a strange howl from his bedroom, so I went and knocked on the door and asked if anything was wrong. I called out loudly. All the noise stopped dead. I was furious and said through the door: “I can figure out what’s going on. Get your girlfriend out of my house and send her home in a taxi! We need to talk about this.”

He came to the door in just his jeans and opened it a crack and said no, he would drive her home when he was ready. He said he wouldn’t come back, either, until I calmed down. He went on about how he pays half the mortgage, so he owns part of the house. I went upstairs crying. He’s almost 30 and he’s paying half so I can stay in our home, which was designed by his father who died a few years ago. My son came back the next morning — I hadn’t slept a wink — and said he was going to move out, so I will have to sell the house. That four-bedroom house is my everything and contains all my decorating and memories of my husband. I don’t want to move. What should I do? I’m in a complete panic.

— About to Lose My Home, Fort Richmond

Dear About to Lose My Home: A guy of almost 30 is a man by anyone’s definition and could have a wife and three kids by now. Or, he could have his own house or apartment and be living like a full adult with lovemaking/sex anytime and anywhere he wants. The same goes for you if you allowed yourself to be a single woman again, and not a long-term grieving person. Sorry to be so tough, but breaking up this overdue mother-son living-together arrangement is a healthy thing and you need to move on from your marriage.

So what will you do when this happens? He says he’s moving; believe him. You could possibly board international university students if you’re a good cook and enjoy making a home for people. You sign yourself from Fort Richmond, so students from the University of Manitoba would be a good fit.

Or you could get counselling to help you get past the mourning stage and start a new social life. Do several things at once. The group Meetups in Winnipeg puts people together in groups who want to do the same activities (meetup.com). If you want to go online to look for romance, Our Time is a website for people 50 years and up to meet (ourtime.com). You could also sign up for Adventures for Successful Singles (204-775-3484), which offers sports, arts and social activities with a subgroup for widows and widowers.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been having an affair for almost 15 years. At this point, my girlfriend’s kids are grown and her husband has finally gone. Now, she wants to get married to me. That’s not really surprising, except I’m still married. To be honest, I detest the boring married state. Why would I leave my present situation for my girlfriend and make everyone unhappy? Hell, I’m not even faithful to my affair woman.

— Lousy Husband Material, Winnipeg

Dear Lousy Husband Material: You should mention to the woman you are having the affair with that you are also unfaithful to her. She may stop wanting to marry you or she may confess she also has other people, too.

Each modern second marriage is an expression of the two people involved, unless one person dominates. Would your lover suddenly turn into someone like your present wife? It’s highly doubtful, as you wouldn’t have chosen her as the antidote. Possibly a divorce and then an open marriage with Affair Lady could work. Your present wife needs to be set free from you, your actions and your sneering attitude.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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