Girl needs to smarten up and stop chasing prof

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/10/2017 (3231 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with my university professor, so now here comes another year of unrequited love. That’s another year of stupid me dressing up for class, staying after to ask a question and making appointments to see him in his office. In the spring, I even stooped to wearing a garter belt and letting my skirt slide up just enough he got a peek at my purple garter.

I just went to his office this afternoon and spoke to him for a minute. There’s a change. This year he has a photo on his desk of this woman and children. I didn’t know he was married because he doesn’t wear a ring and I didn’t want to ask and know totally for sure. Could this be a picture of somebody else, such as his sister and her children? There’s no man in it. Why is he not in the photo? What do you think? Is he single or not? Should I finally ask?

— Crazy About Him, Downtown

Dear Crazy About Him: Yes, dive right in and ask over the roar of your heart. The answer might help you get over this guy, then you can be surer of getting the marks you deserve. Think about this: if a female student is throwing herself at a male professor, what do you think the chances are the mark will be a tad lower if he doesn’t want her to think he’s favouring her?

On top of that, you are wasting time that could be spent meeting a guy who is actually available. Then you could have dates, fun, laughter and affection and maybe some great sex in those purple garters. Come on, girlfriend. Choose real-life romance over dreaming about a man you can’t have. This professor is old news in your life. Don’t waste another semester, or a whole year, trying to get him interested in you.

P.S. There’s a 90 per cent chance the picture on his desk is his wife and their kids.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My friend and I empathize with Upset and Jealous and her frustration with her charming, flirtatious husband at their kids’ sporting events. My friend has been dealing with a similar situation for about 15 years and has had about enough. As you said: “Walk away before he utterly destroys your self-confidence.”

My friend’s overly charming husband makes the women salivate/lust for him, but what they see, truly, is all there is to this man. In the quiet of their home, he calls his wife over-sensitive, highly emotional or walks away when she tries to address her concerns. I truly doubt he will ever change because his ego thrives on the superficial looks of adoration. She is left looking like a prude.

Thankfully, she sees him — the lap dog needing the strokes — as the problem, so she is looking at the exit sign. It won’t be easy, because so many people are drawn to him and she will need to rely on those who know the truth.

— Putting the Blame Where it Belongs, Winnipeg

Dear Putting the Blame Where it Belongs: Most women understand the smooth moves of the overly charming man, and although they get a momentary boost out of his compliments, they wonder how his wife stands it and why she doesn’t leave him. Sometimes it’s hard to admit your husband is a shameless flirt, will never change and he’s breaking down your confidence daily as he makes his rounds, chatting up the ladies. Your friend has taken 15 years to get to the exit. With counselling help, she will not fall for this kind of man again. It’s interesting she stayed so long, but of course, much of the flirting would have been done behind her back.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography