Daughter’s diary details leave mom in a dilemma

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This article was published 03/10/2017 (2945 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just found out a secret our daughter has been keeping from me. The boy next door she has always claimed to hate — and he hated her, called her names like Bozo and Red Nose in her youth — has become her secret love. I read this in her diary. He is a very nice young man now and very polite to me. She must have fallen alsleep in her bedroom basement while writing in it. It was open on the floor and partly under the bed.

I was picking up dirty laundry to wash off of her floor after she’d gone to school, and I picked the diary up and it was open to the page describing the two off them sneaking out of their basement bedroom windows and into each other’s arms this summer.

They have been having sex, although she, thank God, talks about being careful to always use condoms. I know better than to demand that they stop having sex — never happens once it starts. What should I do?

— Five Bell Alarm, Winnipeg

Dear Five Bell Alarm: Condoms aren’t enough protection, used alone. Your daughter needs to see a doctor ASAP, but not a friend of her mother’s who might try to lecture her. Women’s Health Clinic, 419 Graham Ave., (204-947-1517) sees girls/young women on their own, no need for a parent coming in. They also offer a teen drop-in every Thursday evening. Your role? You could drive her and pick her up, as it gets dark downtown at night, or she could go with a friend.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was persuaded to act as my girlfriend’s submissive in bed and I used to like playing the role until it became more than a sex thing. Now she expects me to bow, carry things behind her and do all the housework. The sex play has bled way too far into reality. She wants a whole lifestyle out of this.

I love her, but I don’t admire her anymore. I see her as someone who has used an invitation to role playing as the way to get herself a cheap servant. What she doesn’t know is I am a switch. I have played both the submissive and the dominant role before. I greatly resent what is happening. What should I do? I am in imminent danger of…

— Falling Out of Love, Osborne Village

Dear Falling Out of Love: Call a meeting outside the house at a place where there’s enough music to cover a private situation. Then tell her you are a competent switch and can play both submissive and dominant roles, and are ready to change places with her. Mention that you never expected the submissive role to become a lifestyle. Ask that she now become your submissive in bed for a time to even up the power. She will hate this idea and that’s good. It puts you in a bargaining position.

Tell her you need a few experiments to settle on the new sexual scene, and from this day on, you are in an even-power situation in the house. Outside of bed is not a game and both of you do 50/50 of the chores and cooking. Then smile as if she should be good with this. And hold that line. This could be the beginning of the end if she’s still looking for a servant as well as a lover she controls, or it could be the way back to a happier new beginning and a balance of power.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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