Husband’s sudden interest in sex toys has wife suspicious

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/10/2017 (2937 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has been coming home with some kinky ideas and I don’t know where they’re coming from. He’s not much of a researcher so I’m thinking someone is telling him about them — or worse, he is experiencing them. I asked him and he was very vague. He said, “Oh, I read some books” but then couldn’t name any of them. He got mad at my questions and told me I needed to “loosen up” and “open my mind.”

Last night took the cake. He came home with some stuff from a sex shop. I’m no prude, but I know these are not his ideas, as he’s from a conservative Mennonite background. He soon saw these “gifts” for me were not a good idea and bundled them back in the bag and hustled them out to the car. Then he drove off. I don’t know whether he was going to try to return them or what. God knows they weren’t even out of the plastic.

I wouldn’t have minded a sex toy for us, but a whole bag? This came from someone else teaching him and I know who it might have been. If I bring up her name to him, it will open a whole new kettle of worms. Just before me, he had a relationship with a young woman who sold such things. The thought of his going to her to get sex toys because he finds our sex life boring (after six years and two kids) just makes me boil!

Maybe he should look at how fat and out-of-shape and unappealing he’s gotten. A costume isn’t going to disguise that beer gut. What an idiot! What should I do? Now I want to have sex with him even less.

— Don’t Need Fatty’s Sex Props, River Heights

Dear Don’t Need Props: Never mind sex props; you two really need couples counselling at this point. This isn’t just about sex; it’s also about a third party — an ex — in the shadows. There are also the underlying turnoffs — such as his burgeoning belly — that need to be addressed and it’d be best if you have a mediator when you bring that up, as he could strike back about your changed body. And how about your sex drive since you had the kids? You might check with your doctor about that as things can get out of whack hormonally. It’s time to address all facets with a view to fixing things. Rejecting the sex toys is not going to fix up anything. But, his buying them is a big red flag.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Halloween is coming and my husband is out decorating the yard as we speak. And get this, he’s wearing a scarecrow costume while he does it. Neighbours stop by and chat with him. He’s the King of Halloween in our neighbourhood. The sad thing is our young teenage boys have just outgrown the trick-or-treating thing and my husband used to love going house to house with them, standing out on the sidewalk to kind of protect them, talking with the other parents. What can we do to replace those wonderful Halloweens for my fun-loving man?

— His Adoring Wife, West Kildonan

Dear Adoring Wife: Go even bigger this year! Help your Halloween-loving husband build a scene that puts you both outside in the yard as part of it — moving characters in the midst, who use funny voices and interact with the parents and kids. Both of you can dole out the candies. You must be in the yard, too, as his partner, so nobody who doesn’t know you wonders if your husband is a real-life creep to beware of.

You could even have a little drink and snack bar, near the sidewalk for the adults bringing the kids. There’s no need to stop enjoying Halloween to the hilt, but you’ll have to get busy fast. Google Halloween yard scenes for pictorials and don’t forget getting CDs for sounds to go with your scene. You can still have a great time this year — even better!

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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