Blacking out during threesome a bad sign

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/10/2017 (2937 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a stupid idiot. I missed experiencing my first threesome by getting drunk and blacking out. I was in it and took part (there is proof), but I have no memory of it. I went on a trip to a cottage with some friends and there were more girls than guys and we all got pretty drunk. The next morning everybody was talking and laughing about the threesome a few of us had — me and two girls. I don’t remember anything except a few fragments near the beginning because I blacked out right away — no memory.

It’s not the first time I’ve blacked out either. I am so mad at myself because I’m just an ordinary guy and things like threesomes don’t just happen to me. I’ve fantasized about a threesome all my life and now it’s finally happened. I participated, but my memory wasn’t working. Later I guess I passed out, which is a totally different thing. I’ve done that lots before. Secretly, I’m a little nervous and worried about my life and have nobody to talk to it about. What do you think? 

— I Can’t Remember

Dear I Can’t Remember: Blackouts are a bad sign. People with their memory clicked off can say and do things with no conscience or filter. People have committed crimes in blackout states — but still did them, so were, to a large degree, responsible. You have a serious problem here with blackouts and passing out. If you’re smart, your drinking days are over.

Some young people think it’s funny to hear about the crazy, uninhibited things they did and said in a blackout state, but others are horrified especially when they found out they said or did nasty things to someone, no censor. The mind’s on autopilot for action, but has little or no kindness or reason to stop things they’d never say or do otherwise. It’s not the same as passing out where you are unconscious and incapable of doing anything more.

Alcohol is not your friend. In fact, at this point, alcohol has become your enemy, and this last episode was a loud warning from your body. Don’t ignore it. Read up on blacking out and things that have happened to other people and it will give you a real fright.

Don’t play roulette with the way you live your precious young life. Could you be addicted to alcohol? It can happen in your teens.

Addictions agencies serving youth under 18 in Manitoba can be found at gov.mb.ca/health/mh/addictions/youth.html. Call Klinic 24-hour crisis line at 204-786-8686 if you are down or upset and need to talk.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young mother picked up and left my father and me. She got in a car and went off with the guy she calls her “best friend.” My father acts like he doesn’t care, but I woke up that night and heard him crying. That broke me up. I started crying into my pillow, too. I don’t know what they fought about, but there had been a lot of fights. Dad may have kicked her out or she might have decided to leave him. They don’t get along.

I am closer to my grandparents (my dad’s folks) than to my own parents. I phoned my grandma and said, “Mom’s gone with her friend and left us,” and she said, “Come here and be with Grandpa and me for now, and for good, if you want.” I packed my clothes and my electronics and told dad I was going to visit his mom and dad for a while and he looked relieved. He said, “That’s probably for the best.” I walked down the block pulling my stuff to my grandparents’ house and they took me in with hugs and open arms. My grandma cried a bit and my grandpa held me very tight. This is where I want to stay. But how do I tell my dad that, when he’s all alone in that house? I don’t know where my (very young) mother went with her ‘friend” who she kissed on the mouth when she got in the car. Please help me.

— Left Behind, North End

Dear Left Behind: OK, here’s the deal. You need to be where you’re loved, taken care of, settled and stable, and can go to school and make a success of it. That would be your grandparents’ house and the three of you can talk this over with your dad. Your father should be invited over for supper every night he can make it, at least at first. That way you don’t feel you’ve abandoned him and he can see you and has some good food and normalcy in his life at the end of a workday. Breakups are hard on the body and soul and he will need family, too.

As for your mother, please write back and tell me more about that situation. She may not feel comfortable phoning you with your dad or your grandparents there, so you might suggest keeping contact with her from your end, when it’s more private. But, whatever you do, don’t go off with your mother and this new guy. Being the third wheel in that friendship/romance situation would be bad.

The object of this new situation is to stabilize you, give you a nest, a solid home and keep you from being starved for contact with your parents. I gather your father married a very young woman who had a baby (you), but those older man/young woman relationships often don’t work out well, in the long run. It’s not in any way your fault. Let your grandparents be your folks from now on and maybe your dad would like to contribute to that cost for them, which would make everybody feel better about the new living situation, even your dad who may feel guilty.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography