Husband goes off half-cocked when bathroom’s locked

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/12/2017 (2855 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new husband thinks he has the right to come into our bathroom even if I’m using it for something personal, just because we’re married.

I tell him to use the other bathroom and he gets mad and stomps away because I have locked the door.

I have explained to him that I need privacy in some areas of life and he has not taken it seriously. Yesterday, he pulled out his ace card when he told me his ex-wife used to let him into the bathroom no matter what she was doing.

I was so mad. I shouted, “Yeah? And that marriage went right down the toilet!” I hate that woman for how she treated my husband, and now he brings her up as an example of being a better wife?

How can I explain to him he needs to accept my bathroom needs and lay off?

— Needing My Bathroom Privacy, River Heights

Dear Needing My Bathroom Privacy: This an issue for a lot of couples in the beginning. Since you’re lucky enough to have two bathrooms, your husband would be smart to claim the less-used one as mostly his, and the one with the bathtub and toilet as the his and hers, please knock bathroom.

Then he can go straight to his bathroom when everybody’s awake and it’s probably not in use, or he can knock on the door if he’s wants to use the big bathroom.

The biggest deal is getting him to accept that not all women are alike on this issue. He may have gotten that out of your last shouted comment.

It’s strange that some ex-spouses persist in bringing up their ex-wives ad nauseam when each comment earns a mark on the minus side of the chart — not that anybody ever keeps score.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know a man who never married or had any kids, but he is the most attentive and interested friend to my husband and I, our kids, all his nieces and nephews, his neighbours and their kids, and old folks, not to mention his dogs and cats.

I am married to his brother and both men treat me so well. I am so blessed.

But why this brother remained single was always a mystery to me! Was he gay and in the closet? I recently asked him over too many drinks, why he didn’t want to get married.

He said he did want to get married at one time when he was younger, but he was fat and women wouldn’t look at him. He finally lost the weight but didn’t gain any confidence. He said, “I may look normal to you, but I’m a fat guy inside.”

He says he couldn’t ask a woman out now if he wanted to, but he’s got a good life and it didn’t bother him anymore than he never met someone.

I went home and thought about that. Was he lying and secretly missing a woman in his life? Doesn’t everybody want to get married and have a partner and a home? Should I try to slide somebody into his life? I know some nice single women.

— Interfering Sister-In-Law? Wolseley

Dear Interfering Sister-In-Law: Be careful! This man says he’s content, and he may well be happier than a lot of people. Because he doesn’t have a wife and kids, he has formed deeper, richer relationships with a lot more people.

That’s a lot of live beings with heartbeats who care for him and his life. If he was living the lifestyle of a lonely bachelor, that would be different.

If you want to try “sliding” someone into his life, then you’re going to have to be very subtle.

It would have to be someone who is well matched to him, but can naturally take the reins in the romance department and be fine with the fact he’s a more than 40-year-old virgin.

And she will have to become a friend of the wider family and friends group, first, since he’s not a candidate for a first-date setup.

You may need to introduce a few women into your group over a long time, rather than just one obvious lady. Then just stand back to see what happens. Never be heavy-handed enough to let him know you’re trying to match him up, or you will lose his trust — and how will that loss feel?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am a gift peeker. When everybody’s out of the house, I look for presents and very carefully, with scissors, I open, peek and then tape them closed again so no one can tell. Every year I tell myself I’m not going to do it again, but it’s worse than quitting cigarettes. By the time Christmas morning comes around, there’s almost no surprises and I wish I hadn’t done it again.

— Christmas Present Peeker, age 16

Dear Christmas Present Peeker: Warn the family that the urge to search and peek is too strong for you this year, and you need them to hide gifts for you in a crazy place so you can’t find them.

People know how to tighten up their hiding, so you will never find stuff and you will finally be surprised on Christmas morning once again.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6