Need for constant reassurance tiring him out

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/01/2018 (2834 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m so worn out after sleeping at my girlfriend’s house while her parents were in Mexico that I don’t want to see her for a month at least. How do you tell someone you love that you need a break to rest and sleep and stop having to answer their damn questions every 15 minutes?

The questions I hate most are ones like, “Are you having a good time living with me? “ and “How do you like playing house with me?” The last time she asked, I blew up and answered, “Exactly the way I felt half an hour ago when you asked me the same dumb questions — only less!” Then she started bawling and I packed my stuff and left.

Why does she need so much reassurance? I like it better when she’s sassy and proud and makes me beg for the time of day. Should I break up with her because she’s too in love with me? It makes me a bit sick to the stomach to be perfectly honest. — Feeling Hunted, River Heights

Dear Feeling Hunted: You may just need a rest or you may need to let this lady go. If she’s feeling so insecure she has to ask and ask about your feelings, then maybe she isn’t the right person for you. In the past she was sassy and secure, but maybe since she fell harder for you and is thinking about playing house, she’s hit a more serious level. You’re just not at that point and may never be.

There’s a small chance romantic feelings might come back for you once you’re out of her parents’ house for a week, as nobody’s quite comfortable living in that situation. Nobody likes to feel as though they are copying a parents’ marriage. Stay away a few days and let things cool off to see how you feel living apart again before you say too much.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 17 and this is the third time I’ve gotten dumped (or dumped someone myself) right after Christmas. It would have been cheaper for everybody if we broke up before Christmas and didn’t have to buy Christmas gifts that nobody really wants to give or receive. It just costs a bunch of money for nothing.

Why can’t girls just tell the truth in November about how they feel? Why doesn’t everybody just put a number out of 10 on the relationship by Nov. 15? Then you know where things are headed — up or out. At least this last ex-girlfriend left the tags on the stuff she got me.— Returning This Stupid Sweatshirt, St. James

Dear Returning This Stupid Sweatshirt: People often don’t want to rock the relationship boat before Christmas because they don’t want to feel badly during the holiday season and have red eyes and dark shadows from crying or not sleeping. Some people can stay upset for weeks after a breakup, particularly if they are the dumpee, not the dumper.

That’s why most people hang in there for the holiday season and then part of their New Year’s resolution is to get things sorted out in a relationship that’s already on the skids. So, there are lots of breakups in the first two weeks of January. That might seem like a great time to pick up a new girlfriend, as there are lots of newly single people out there, but they’re not the ones you want because too many of them are still getting over a hurtful breakup themselves.

A better time to go girlfriend-shopping is late January when they start advertising the Valentine’s stuff in the stores. People are in the mood for romance again. It’s not like you’re going to get really serious in two weeks and have to buy expensive Valentine’s stuff, but a cute card (not too mushy) and a rose for $5 can go a long way in furthering a new romance.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography