Bragging about skills in bedroom backfired

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/01/2018 (3129 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I innocently gave away my husband to my old friend, and now I just have the damn dog. I married too young, and for all the wrong reasons — mainly his looks and sexual skills.

I was a 9.5 in looks myself, with a great, big personality and thought I deserved a man equally good-looking. I could hold onto a guy like that with my own sexy looks and skills, but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut about anything and bragged about him and told the juicy details to my friend.

She started getting real chummy with my husband and I. She pretended to be a newly out lesbian, saying things like she could never find a man who could satisfy her and doubted one even existed. I saw my husband’s eyes light up when she said that. It was like a challenge to him.

Before three weeks were up, she was all happy and singing like a bird. She had my husband dropping by her place and convincing her in bed about the joys of doing it with a man, even though she never really liked women sexually in the first place. That’s the real truth. I know her well.

I found out from another friend that my husband’s truck was parked in this woman’s garage all the time, so I went to her place and caught them.

He tried saying he was just trying to do her a favour and help her learn that she can be straight. Favour? I slapped her face red and kicked my husband’s ass out of my life.

Now I got my big, old dog and have no faith in anyone else of either sex, as a friend or a lover.

— Trusting Nobody Loser, St. Vital

Dear Trusting Nobody Loser: Honey, you’re a big-talking, big-personality woman who needs some personality coaching.

Your mouth needs to be the slave of your brain, not the other way around. You have to count to three before you start bragging about the man you have in your bed, and before you start expressing anger in a fight.

You have to end this immature numbers rating game in your head. It’s time to look for a real relationship soup where sex appeal is the hot water, then you and the right person fill that broth with humour and character, love and kindness, brains and responsibility, similar interests and much more

You married for sex and looks and you got it, but then so did the next woman down the line.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know you don’t put two readers together, but you never know for sure unless you try.

I would like to help the person who wrote as Slaving Away, who needs his wife to find a sex friend to satisfy her desire.

I’m monogamous and would be a perfect gentleman to help her out and also satisfy my sexual needs. Solo sex only goes so far, and you crave the touch and warmth of a woman’s body.

Pass on my request to the gentleman and see what he thinks. I know it’s a long shot, but thanks anyway.

— Silver Fox, Winnipeg

Dear Silver Fox: Sorry, but we can’t put people together, even if all parties said yes to it because of security reasons. We don’t know the people: they would be strangers to you and you to them.

It might be a good fit for everyone (though highly unlikely) or it could be a situation where people are freaked out and calling police. Try your luck online.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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