Family values could force man to marry

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This article was published 20/02/2018 (3149 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend wants a diamond ring and a quickie marriage because she’s pregnant. I love her and want the baby, but I’m not sure if I want a 40-year marriage to her. She’s beautiful now, but not that bright and she connived to get pregnant from me. She’s also lazy and hoping not to ever work at a career.

My family is old-style Catholic and don’t divorce and remarry. I’m only second-generation and go to church, but I expect everybody in the family to work. She thinks this baby will be a ticket to stay home and watch TV all day. She is also an immigrant Catholic girl. What should I tell her? — Not Ready To Marry, West End

Dear Not Ready To Marry: In an old-fashioned new-to-Canada family there will be way more than you two young people weighing in on this decision.

The two sets of grandparents-to-be will have a lot to say, not to mention the aunts. So will your priest if you consult him or your parents bring him in.

No doubt, your pregnant girlfriend would rather you married her for awhile than not at all to save face. You will be questioned about not giving the baby a proper last name, a home and a loving family. Let’s face facts: all kinds of criticism and shaming will be coming your way. You deserve some of it.

In other situations in Canada, it might be easy to be an active dad without being a marriage partner to the mother of this baby. In your case, where immigrant Catholic families are involved, it might actually be better see how the marriage works out with this girl you do say you love. It may be fine and surprise you, or it may end up breaking down later. Catholic marriages definitely do break up in Canada frequently these days, and people end up remarrying other people. You are not trapped forever if it goes badly.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a guy at the bar with big brown eyes and a tall, slim body and was hot for him immediately. I love those kind of guys. I knew we could get into some fun together, but I was shocked when he suggested on our first date, that we shoplift something together for fun.

My stomach clenched. I may be daring, but I’m not a thief. I told him I thought he was a fun guy not a thief, which just made his eyes light up even more. I asked him about the chances of being caught and he said that was part of the fun of it and called me an idiot. I got up, paid my own bill and got out of there before my date tried to run out on paying for our lunch. I told him, from the doorway, I had only paid my bill, not his, and to leave me alone.

Since then, he’s been calling and trying to sweet talk me — he’s so cute and funny! He says he was just kidding about shoplifting.

What if I asked him to stop stealing for me? Could I go out with him then? Do you think there’s any hope? I am so hot for him and I can tell he is for me, too. We are 18 and 20. — Mixed Up, Winnipeg

Dear Mixed Up: The last thing you need is a guy who wants to be dishonest for kicks and wants you to share the risk and the blame if you get caught. He has already shown his dishonest, cold nature to you and now he’s trying to backtrack so he can get his body closer to yours. My dear, I have to tell you bodies are stupid and react independently from the brain.

And, bad actors are famous for their charm. So don’t bite! There won’t be anything charming about being caught on camera and charged with a crime.

He’s willing to risk that for himself and to involve you as well. He’s the real idiot, so don’t follow him anywhere.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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