Hold off saying L-word again until feelings grow

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This article was published 21/02/2018 (3160 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my new boyfriend with all my heart and he thinks I’m a great lady. He doesn’t say the L-word to me, although I say it to him every time we make love. We’ve only been seeing each other four months, but he doesn’t seem to love me back.

Am I expecting too much, too soon? One time I was so embarrassed at the silent treatment after an “I love you,” I apologized for saying those words in bed. He said, as if he was being generous and forgiving me, that it was OK. He told me women get really excited and over-emotional in bed and he didn’t consider it a serious “I love you.”

Now where do I go from here? I overstepped the gas and it stalled. Then I backed up and now I don’t know where the heck I am with him.

— Embarrassed and Frustrated, Winnipeg

Dear Embarrassed and Frustrated: Usually, the one who knows they are in love first keeps their lips buttoned until they see the love-light coming from the other direction too, but it’s too late for that. Ironically, you really need to have another embarrassing talk about this, and where it’s going for him, in order to clear things up.

If this boyfriend knows his feelings are more of a sexy friendship thing, but not going anywhere emotionally for him, you need to know that right now. Four months is enough of playing around. But if his feelings are growing, you could hang in there and stop pushing him with the love talk and see if he starts coming forward.

Don’t waste any more time on this relationship than another four to six months. If the plant seems to be stunted and not growing, it’s time to move on to someone who’s crazy about you, and you feel the same way.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A really sweet woman came back on the market, and I am her best friend at work. She cried on my shoulder when she broke up with her cheating bastard of a husband, who was having an affair.

She said goodbye to him after Christmas and now he’s chasing her again and she’s resisting. She says she wants to be with me!

I think this puts us both in a very vulnerable state at work, but it’s too late to be saying that since we are so close. I fear she wants a replacement for her husband to hang on to, but I’m not sure if she really cares for me that deeply.

— Feeling Vulnerable, Broadway

Dear Feeling Vulnerable: What if you fell into bed with her and she clung to you emotionally, and then decided to give it another try with her husband?

Horrors! How could you even function at work after that?

No, you need to stay away from a relationship with her until she’s so finished with him, there’s no chance she’ll go back. To save your own soul, stop being a shoulder to cry on, the way you have been so far.

Tell her you have to protect yourself until she’s totally over him and getting divorced.

Be sweet, pleasant and distant enough to save your heart and your job while you wait it out.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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