‘Sexy surprise’ turns into a real shocker

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/02/2018 (3096 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend stole the keys to my house and broke in. He took the extra keys out of my secret drawer without asking. The fact that he even knew I had a secret drawer creeps me out. It’s not in the bedroom where he spent most of his time here, so how did he know, unless he was going through my stuff when I was in the bathroom, or out at the car?

Get this: I got home early to get ready for our date later that evening and he was inside my house, sitting in the hot tub, watching the big TV screen with a beer and a sandwich in his hands, naked as the day he was born. His line to me? “Oh, I thought I’d give you a sexy surprise!” Then he started to stand up in the tub to greet me and I pushed him right back down, I was so mad!

I went through his pants quickly and found my spare keys with the pink fob. Then I told him in my cold, no-nonsense voice, “Get dressed, we have somewhere very important to go.” I walked him to the door, handed him his parka, and gestured with my hand for him to exit first. As soon as he was outside, I shut and locked the door. He banged on it for five minutes, calling me bitch. I phoned the big neighbour dude who looks like a gangster, and he came over and told the guy to leave. I didn’t phone the cops on him, because he’s not a bad guy, just a young, stupid and nervy guy.

How do I keep him away from me? My neighbour told me, “Start picking on guys your own age.” I’m not sure what to do from here, but I’m scared when I drive in my driveway. Please advise.

— Nervous For No Reason? S. Winnipeg

Dear Nervous: This young guy may have thought he was being cute, or he may be nastier than that, especially since he got tricked and thrown out. Then there’s the fact he was pounding and yelling “bitch” through the door.

Stealing your keys to “surprise” you smacks of immaturity and dishonesty — with a creep factor. You could call the police and ask what they suggest and they might ask you if you want to press charges. Since you already know you don’t want to go that far, you might instead see a lawyer and have a stiffly worded letter sent that this incident has been made aware to them, and any further contact will result in a charge.

Meanwhile, let’s hope you have changed the locks as a guy as sneaky as this could have had copies made. How did he know about that drawer anyway? Had you spoken of it, or did he go through all your drawers? If you’re in the habit of dating younger guys for fun and games, consider this as your “heads up” to change up your interests to nice guys your own age who know better than to pull a stunt like this.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mailbox, even since Valentine’s Day, has had a Valentine every few days from my recent ex-husband. He is determined to get me back after six months apart. I was the one caught cheating. I am still with the same new guy, and I don’t think I want anything to do with my ex. There is nothing he can do to make up for the failed marriage. He just bored me.

It got so I’d yawn openly at the dinner table when he’d ask, “So how did your day go?” and after I’d tell him and ask about his day, he’d say, “Same old, same old,” thank me for cooking dinner and go off to read his endless papers.

So why did I marry him? I made the mistake of not living with him first and he had big money so he “courted” me by taking me to concerts and events — best tickets in the house, front row. After we got married, he was no longer interested in his old-fashioned courting behaviour. I was 53 when I married him and 18 months later I felt like an old lady living with an old man. He’s now promising big holidays and a cottage at my favourite beach and all kinds of wonderful things to buy me back. What should I do?

— Material Girl, St. James

Dear Material Girl: Are you writing because you’re tempted? The price of being material was aging prematurely. If you’re tempted to go back for the goodies, remember that they weren’t enough! He’s still the same guy with the same habits. He’s just willing to up the ante to get you back under his roof, cooking his dinners and keeping him company.

You need to go see a psychologist to talk about your material weakness. You need to learn to be able to give a higher value to happiness and a lower value to getting big-ticket items “for free.” Selling off your youthfulness, happiness and freedom is a bad idea at any price. Plus, you will only break this man’s heart twice if you go back, since it will once again be a boring life with a boring man and you’ll leave. The only thing worse than making a bad mistake it making it twice.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts, c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography