Hot session in bathroom no reason to risk marriage

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/04/2018 (3044 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just ran into an old boyfriend when I rear-ended his fancy car. We exchanged information and a few aggravated words, and then looked each other in the eye, and he smiled and asked me to go for a drink. There was a bar and restaurant nearby, so we pulled our vehicles in, and sat there for almost three hours, talking and catching up.

We are both married, but we met a lifetime ago in our 20s and it felt like we were time travellers from a different era. We were young then, like wild rabbits, crazy and daring. We didn’t have sex that day, but we did go in the bathroom at the same time and kissed against the door.

Then I got the guilts. We agreed we would never do it again, but, as soon as he got his car fixed, he called me and invited me to slam into his car again! Funny guy, or not so funny? He keeps phoning and we can’t stay off the phone with each other now.

That session in the bathroom was hotter than any sex I’ve had since my first year of marriage. Neither of us know what to do. We have perfectly good marriages, but now this has happened. But if we gain each other as lovers, we lose our loving mates. What should we do?

— Catch 22, Winnipeg

Dear Catch 22: You may have perfectly good marriages, but this red-hot session in the bathroom was unexpected and thrilling. You want to see this guy again and seem to want some kind of permission. It’s noted you asked what should “we” do, referring to the old flame and you as a unit.

Losing a good marriage and breaking up a family is a very high price to pay for a hot fling with an old boyfriend who might have been your husband if it had worked out with him. But it didn’t! You already know that. Later on, you found a new love where you connected in many strong ways and got married, but after the first year of marriage with him, your sex life became mundane. One or both people were not tending or building that sexual fire very well.

Either you make a vow to perk the sex life up with the man who has been your loyal mate for all these years or you play a game of roulette with Mr. Sexy where you could end the marriage and break the hearts of any children you might have.

You have to make a decisive move fast. You say this old flame is calling and calling, but you’re not shooing him away.

Try to look in an imaginary crystal ball and picture your husband finding out what you’ve been doing. You have built such a bonfire with this old boyfriend he’s sure to find out if you keep up the phone calls. Picture your husband and your children crying as your marriage dissolves. It’s just not worth it.

On a positive note, this old boyfriend has reminded you what sex can be. Can you renew your sex life in your marriage, or at least try, by confessing some unfulfilled fantasies? Almost everybody has some. Your husband may be delighted.

Don’t lose everything you have over a fling. Do you realize the man who’s so hot for you at this moment may end up telling you there’s nothing beyond a fling for you two because he really loves his wife?

Perhaps you were a hot experiment for old times’ sake but not important to him emotionally. You know how important you are to your husband.

Cut off the phone calls, and at least try.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography