Everyone in family getting fat from wife’s cooking

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/04/2018 (3054 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is everything a man could want in a wife: she is a super mom, a great cook, fun, sexual and nice to all my relatives, even the difficult ones, but (sorry to be so blunt) she has gotten very fat. I know you expect some weight gain with three kids, but this is ridiculous. I enjoy all the amazing foods and desserts she makes, but our kids are getting fat, too. They are starting to get mocked and teased at school.

I’m not fat because I am a runner and exercise at least an hour every day. My wife used to be pretty; now she looks like her mother, which is roly-poly, which I don’t think is a good thing unless you’re a grandma. My lady is in her 30s! Recently, we had a big fight when I told her she was feeding us to death and that she and the kids are fat to an unhealthy point. She cried and I became the bad guy of the house.

For a week she fed us all salads and fish and everybody complained loudly. We had no desserts and nothing tasty. Rather than give in, I started cooking healthy and tasty foods, which the kids liked, even desserts. Then she said she was going to go back to work since I had taken over her role.

I said that was a great idea. We could share the cooking, we would both work and everything, including our budget, would be in better shape. Now she is in sulk mode and our bed is ice cold. I don’t know where to go from here. Please help me out.

— Mean Dad, South End

Dear Mean Dad: At this point you may need a mediator. You shouldn’t cave and go back to the same formula that was making your family fat and unhealthy. Someone — not you, but perhaps a relationship counsellor — has to talk your wife out of the idea that feeding equals showing love. She might think cooking is also her excuse for being a long-term stay-at-home mother.

If she wants to stay home and you guys have enough money, there are other ways to express her love and care and justify not bringing in money. She can spend more time with the kids doing sports, making crafts, getting a dog and walking him, driving kids to and from activities. But if you do need some extra money for the family budget, a part-time job might be good to get your wife out in the world.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to Shocked and Disappointed, who expected monetary compensation for looking after his co-worker’s dog for a week. Since they didn’t discuss money or any type of payment prior to the trip, I believe the bottle of alcohol he received was fair. I think a $50-$100 gift certificate for a restaurant would have been a good alternative, too. (Miss L. suggested $25 per day, which is more like a kennel boarding fee.)

We weren’t privy to their conversations, but if the co-worker volunteered to take the dog in, the person going on vacation probably thought his friend was doing him a favour. The writer made the mistake of thinking money was understood; I would argue the person going on vacation would have believed the co-worker was doing it out of the goodness of his heart. Plus he got to spend some time with a dog, which he wanted.

— Shut up and Drink Your Gift, Winnipeg

Dear Shut Up and Drink Your Gift: If close relatives or friends you love ask you to take care of the dog for a holiday as an unpaid favour, that can be just fine because you do things back and forth for each other regularly; not so with co-workers.

If these work pals do “shut up and drink” together, this topic will come bubbling up. Good!

Otherwise, the issue will continue to fester and there’s nothing like resentment to ruin a friendship that had once been trusting. (You don’t leave your beloved dog with anybody you don’t trust.)

But there’s a problem here, too. Money slapped down on a bar table to “pay up” will not feel good to either party at this date.

I would argue a next-time policy be adopted by the resentful dog-sitter, as in, “Next time that person asks me to babysit the dog, I’m charging money or not doing it.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography