Painful skin illness puts life on hold

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/06/2018 (2684 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I would like to have a normal relationship, but I’m shackled by a skin illness that has me housebound to a large extent. Although I do get out to work, I have to go home, take off my clothes and take care of the condition the rest of the time.

I don’t see how I can build a relationship, given my limits. I think it would be unfair of me to develop a relationship, and then tell the woman that many of the important benefits of a relationship, like cuddling, will not be there for her. I have become a hermit. I can do normal things and ignore the pain for a while, but I pay for it for days afterwards.

Yes, I am on medication to help with the symptoms; it was sheer hell without it. I’m hoping to have some sort of life after I retire. I’m just finding it hard to miss out on life until then. I hate to think I will spend my life alone, but I am having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the rainbow. Or was it tunnel? I keep getting those pesky details mixed up.

— Forlorn, St Vital

Dear Forlorn: What you need in your life is a group of people who suffer from the same illness — friends online from around the world, perhaps. They will have unique solutions they have learned from others or worked out themselves, over the years. Possibly a group that Skypes would be good for you. You can make visible pals and find out how they cope with the same skin illness while maintaining relationships in real life. I have found some support groups online for you, and am looking for hard-to-find social groups. It’s too bad you don’t want me to mention your skin problem’s name.

Here’s an idea: could naturists (nudists), who don’t wear pesky clothes when they’re at home or together, be good friends for you?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a woman at a conference who could have been my twin. In fact, when I got home, I wondered if my mother, who lived in poverty until she was in her 30s, had given away my twin. I jokingly mentioned I met my double at the conference, and she went silent — unnaturally so. She quickly excused herself and rushed off to her apartment. Now I’m suspicious. Do you think I should get hold of this conference person (I have her card) and pursue this?

— Can’t Stop Thinking About It, Charleswood

Dear Can’t Stop: People have an innate desire to know who is closely related to them. Why not get in touch with your “double” and ask her if she knows if she might have been adopted. You might ask your own mother the same thing. In the old days, a lot of people (often poor themselves) took on other people’s children and twins sometimes got separated.

Aunties and grandmas and other purveyors of family gossip can be very helpful as they often don’t hide the truth as well as one’s mother. But why not screw up your courage and ask your mother? When she’s gone, so will be your chance to know the whole truth. Nobody is promised 100 long and healthy years in this life. The time to seek answers is now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I wrote a fictionalized account of myself and a lover for the beginnings of an erotic short story book. Unfortunately, my husband found it when he “borrowed” my computer last week. Since then, he has been pestering me to tell him if this is a real experience and, if so, with whom? I can’t give him the truth.

It certainly is semi-autobiographical. My husband squeezed out that much already. What I don’t want to tell him is the second guy in the story is his best friend. I have always had a crush on him, so I imagined for my storyline what it would be like to have a kinky affair with him. I changed the hair and skin colouring of the second man radically so no one would recognize who he was. I said I just made him up — a white lie.

I was wondering if a way to get past this would be to hurry up and write a whole bunch more stories to kind of cloud the issue. What do you think?

— Computer Woes With Erotica, Windsor Park

Dear Woes: People are learning the hard way that the computer is not a private place. You might print off and hide subsequent erotic stories, which are bound to have bits and pieces from your subconscious about other old lovers, or fantasies that you aren’t really brave enough to act out. Your husband doesn’t need to see all your private thoughts, and you don’t need to see all his. Leaving them “hidden” on a computer, when so many people — like your husband — are able to navigate to different hiding spots, is a risky plan.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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