Your age is more than just a number

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This article was published 26/07/2019 (2587 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Does your age define you? What can you do with people who make a big deal about it? I’m turning 26 and some of my friends seem like teenagers, while others are acting old already. I have one friend who’s about to get married. I feel much younger than she is. How much does the number really matter?

— Don’t Get the Differences, St. James

Dear Don’t Get Them: When kids are young, they always like to state their age on meeting, like, “I’m four!” Then the other kid replies triumphantly, “Yeah? Well, I’m four — and a half!” Kids going through their early teens may share the same number, but they go through puberty at different ages and it shows in their bodies and emotions.

Eighteen-year-olds get recognition for their special number — the age of majority — but there’s a big difference in maturity between one 18-year-old and another. Girls in their late teens are often uninterested in guys their own age and prefer guys in their early 20s. 

The disparity in maturity actually goes on with people who share the same number — all through life. My athletic aunt Isobel was paddling her canoe and swimming in Lake of the Woods in her 90s. She was certainly not defined by her age! Don’t let your own number influence you too much, and please don’t worry about what other  people think of it. Your age definitely does not define you!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a girl living in Winnipeg, and I’m about a month shy of turning 17. I have two younger sisters. I get along pretty well with the youngest, but then there’s the one who’s 14. Ever since we were little, we’ve been fighting constantly. I’m aware of the fact all siblings get into fights at some point, but I didn’t think I’d still be fighting with my sister every day at 16. Sometimes, our fights get bad enough that my mom cries. 

I’ve tried talking to my parents about it, but they tell me to just ignore it. I find it’s quite difficult to let a slap on the arm or a “shut up” slide. This sister also has ADHD and I’m on the autism spectrum, so I’m wondering if that might be one of the reasons we fight so often.

All I want to do is have more good days than bad with my sister, but she’s not willing to try. I’m not asking to be best friends with her — I just want to make it so we don’t possibly kill each other one day. Any advice?

— Sister Struggles, Manitoba

Dear Sister Struggles: The labels of autism spectrum and ADHD are not an excuse for all-out war at home with this sister. But you might want to make serious plans to depart the home in a year, for post-secondary education.

Country kids often have to leave home at 17 to go to the city for training or college. City kids can leave home, too, but it takes some planning ahead. 

Do you have plans for after high school yet? If not, time to make some! You have one year to go before you could live away from home, possibly in residence with other students your age (it can be fun — been there, done that).

This fall, keep your eyes on your goal and study to get good enough marks to qualify for academic awards, like scholarships. To get them, you often need to do some charity and community work, so look for a cause that really interests you. Look for a part-time job, if you don’t have one already, and start saving your own money. Money means decision-making power and freedom, plus parents will take you more seriously. 

In the meantime, you need some counselling help to deal differently with this sister, and your high school will have that. You need serious counselling to deal with your sister’s behaviour — and your own reactions. Ask for help at school in September. You need peace at home to study and to follow your dreams. Good luck. I’m rooting for you!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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