It may be difficult, but try to reconnect

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/07/2019 (2263 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have three children by a few women and I’m certainly not proud these kids have had no dad around. But the women would not live with me, because I hurt them emotionally and physically when I was drinking and addicted.

It’s now almost 10 years later, and I came back to Winnipeg. I feel deep in my soul I want to contact these “kids” but I don’t know if they’ll want me to. Should I try, or will I just get doors slammed in my face?

— Scared Returning Dad, Winnipeg

Dear Returning: You should definitely try, now that you’re clean and sober. Even if one child gets a piece of his or her heart back by meeting their father, and hopefully starting a relationship, it will be worth it.

If you know where these kids’ moms live, see who’ll talk to you now and might be amenable to a reconnection.

If you don’t know where these families live, but you know the grandparents’ whereabouts, speak to them. Go very slowly. Take “no” answers as “not for now” answers. Don’t push.

People will be shocked and need time to consider what you’re saying and maybe check on the truth of your sobriety. It’s certainly worth trying, no matter what happens.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend is obsessed with my feet. We have only been together since the beginning of June, but things have progressed and now he is beginning to show signs of something very weird.

He asked me two weeks ago if he could paint my toenails before we went to the beach and I thought it was a giggle, so I said yes. Toenail painting has quickly progressed from that to a great interest in my summer shoes and sexy strappy sandals.

Then, last weekend, he gave me a pair of black spike heels with many straps and little bangles, which he hinted cost him a lot of money.

I thought I was OK about this, but then we had too much wine and the foot-play stuff came up again, and he confessed he’d like to wear some sexy shoes himself. That was it.

He has long, narrow feet, but they’re men’s feet and then I noticed he has no hair on his legs. Have I gotten involved with a real foot-fetish guy, as I fear?

This is too embarrassing to even discuss with my girlfriends. I was really falling for this guy, but now I feel queasy. I don’t want to totally crush him and hurt him as he’s a really sweet person, but I’m not liking the looks of a sexual lifestyle in the future if I stay with him. What should I do?

— Feeling Queasy, Osborne Village

Dear Queasy: Now is the time to back out, before either of you gets more emotionally involved. It is less likely to hurt deeply if you make excuses ASAP.

Don’t use words that will cut him deeply to break it off. Lots of people have fetishes they didn’t ask for.

So, let this sweet man know your interest is diminishing now and you need to say bye-bye.

If he asks you if it’s about the foot thing, you can say “only partially.” If he offers to back off his foot interest, be aware it’s not that easy.

The fascination is strong, and he’ll try to squish it down, but I think he’d be much happier with a partner who thinks it’s fun, sexy and kind of amusing to play together in this way.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.