Time to get off friend’s ‘to-use’ list

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/07/2019 (2261 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a big-personality friend who moved to B.C., and she might as well be living in outer space when she’s there. She makes no contact, answers no phone calls and writes no notes or letters, even on the computer.

But when she comes to Winnipeg, she expects it to be like “old home week” for her and everybody should want to treat her to drinks on patios and dinners and take her to summer festival events.

It’s like she can neglect her Winnipeg friends 100 per cent until she comes to town and then it’s “I’m here! Take me out on the town!”

How does she get away with it year after year? She’s the life of the party when she’s around, that’s why! I’m just sick of her ability to charm us all after she’s totally neglectful the rest of the year.

She let us know she has a big crew of friends in her Vancouver world now. So she really doesn’t need us. So why does she pull this and rally everyone to treat her when she comes home to Winnipeg? What can I do or say?

I feel so disgusted with myself when she leaves and I have paid for lots of her drinks. — Always Sucked In, East Kildonan

Dear Sucked In: She does it because she CAN. Make things different this year. Ask her this summer why she doesn’t contact anybody all year and then comes home expecting to be big pals with everyone.

With an ego like hers, she’ll probably think you’re nuts to even ask the question. But still, wait expectantly for her answer. Just let it get really quiet.

If she says something like, “What does it matter? I’m here now! Let’s have fun!” then speak for yourself and say, “It hurts my feelings when you do this every summer after no contact all year.” She may not have you on her ‘to-use’ list when she comes home next summer, but maybe you won’t care.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At the beach, I met this young woman — about 27 — in a bikini, making a sandcastle all by herself. I asked her if she’d like some help. “You can be my water boy!” she said, laughing.

So I was, and we had fun and she was very flirty making openly sexual remarks.

After it was built, and we took pictures of it, I wanted to ask her to go behind a sand dune with me, but I was a gentleman instead, and asked her if she wanted to go for a drink.

She said, “No, sorry. I have a husband.” I had looked at her left hand at the start and she wore no rings.

I guess my disappointment showed as I was walking away and she called out, “But I have a girlfriend you could meet!” I said in a testy voice: “I can do my own hunting, thanks!”

I was so annoyed. Why do married women pull these tricks on single men by not wearing their rings? I have experienced it in the dance bars too, and it drives me nuts. — Frustrated With Married Women, Windsor Park

Dear Frustrated: When you asked her if she wanted help building the sandcastle, would you prefer if she said no, and waggled a diamond ring in your face? No, of course not!

But what you can do early on, before you get too invested in flirting, is ask casually if the woman is married. Most won’t lie, if asked directly.

The ones who do lie might be amenable to fooling around, but who needs that hassle?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.