Time for friend to face up to her sexual confusion

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This article was published 25/07/2019 (2614 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a totally hetero woman. I found myself last week comforting a female friend over her boyfriend who had comforted himself by having sex with another woman. She caught him playing around at his house — let herself in with a spare key she’d cleverly not given back one time.  

She was disgusted and infuriated! But, my friend confessed to me, she doesn’t like sex with him or any guy very much. She said it was partly her fault. She hadn’t had any sex with him for five months, and so she said he was probably “starving” and went outside the relationship. 

He still says he loves her, but he wants her to agree to his having a sex buddy. She says, “Fat chance!” I suddenly had a hunch about something and I asked her if she had ever had sex with a woman, and she blushed and said yes. It turns out she was very much in love with a young woman when they were both in their 20s. I asked her if the relationship was sexual and she said, “Very much so!” 

So, I asked her why she didn’t get a female sex buddy, and she got a sly smile on her face and said, “How about you?” She knows I’m bisexual, but that doesn’t mean I’m up for grabs for any man or woman who wants me! I told her, “If I’d wanted to be with you sexually, you would have known by now.” 

Now she’s acting cool towards me and I miss our close friendship. What do you suggest?

I’m sure as heck not taking her to bed, no matter what. She’s vastly overweight and not my type.

— Missing Our Friendship, Downtown

Dear Missing: It’s time for her to let this wandering boyfriend go emotionally, since his body is already longing for a real male-female sex life. 

Woman-to-woman seems to be where your friend’s sexual interest lies, and you may have been partially filling that need by being so close with her. But, that has come to an end. Now the friendship seems to have gone over that invisible line with you, because she’s looking at you with lust in her eyes — and you’re not wanting her. Awkward! You’re just going to have to learn to miss her and find other close friends where there is no sexual confusion for either party.

What you could do is encourage her to follow her female-to-female attraction by joining some groups that bring her into contact with women who love women. 

Suggest she call the Rainbow Resource Centre in Osborne Village at 204-474-0212 or 1-855-437-8523. Their mission is to “provide support, education, and resources to foster a proud, resilient, and diverse LGBT2SQ+ community.” They offer one-session (or more) counselling.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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