Young-man blues could soon pay off for middle-aged husband

Opinion

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This article was published 03/08/2019 (2257 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is a tiger in the bedroom and a tame pussycat in the rest of his home life. He’s weak and wants to be popular and be like one of the teenagers. 

He does absolutely no disciplining of the kids — never has. In fact, he acts like one of them and I have to tell him to take his dirty shoes off before he puts his feet on the couch, and to make our (teenage) boys stop wrestling on the living-room floor and to mind his manners at the table. 

I often lose respect for him. But then he constantly surprises me by growing up and acting like a tiger in the sack.

He always wants sex and he’s quite willing to do all the work when I’m tired. He’s actually quite dominant in bed and I like it that way. I just wish he wasn’t such a weak parent.

I love him always, but I don’t like him some of the time, when he’s acting like an extra teenager.

I have talked to him about it, but he just tries to get cute with me. I think his idea is that he’ll be a lifelong hot young man. How can I get him over that idea and turned on to the idea of being as attractive a husband outside the bedroom?

Don’t tell me I should give him up! I love wild and crazy sex too much, and my first husband was the opposite — manly everywhere except in the bedroom, where he was lazy and uninterested.

How do I get my middle-aged husband to act like a grown-up?

 — Very Frustrated, St. James

Dear Frustrated: It’s a bit late to change anyone when they’re middle-aged. But your living situation could soon change. Since your boys are teenagers now, they’re soon going to be out of the house. Then it’s just you and the energetic husband. By the sounds of things, you will be bouncing like newlyweds all over the house after those kids are gone.

So get your husband to help the boys get serious about planning their post-secondary education and getting their own places with friends, cousins or each other.

Also, get your hubby hot on the idea of helping them with the money to move out when the time comes. Then, there’ll just be one “young” man left in the house — your forever lover.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a sweetheart of a man, but unfortunately, he’s married and lives in another English-speaking country. We’re in the same line of work and do speaking engagements at the same kinds of conferences. We’re crazy about each other and “things” have already happened. 

The trouble is, it involves a lot of lying on his part because he’s married. I’m not, and I don’t want to hear about his wife, and I’ve told him that. So he has to lie to her and lie to me as well. That’s a lot of lying, and he’s sick of it. 

Last weekend I asked him if he would be leaving her, and he said “not for a long time.” That ripped me up.

We’re not talking for the moment while we think, and we’re both emotional messes. I appreciate he has family obligations and I don’t. 

He says I should have another lover to make things fair. What do you think about this idea of evening things up?

— Not Enthusiastic, Fort Garry

Dear Enthusiastic: This guy is offering you to other men, so he must not be anywhere near as madly in love/lust as you are. Maybe his wife fills a lot of his needs and she’s a lifelong friend and partner. 

What does that leave for you? An occasional arrangement, some sneaking around at conferences and of course, very big anticipation whenever you go to places where you’re going to see each other and react like strong magnets. 

Your lover is right. This can only work for you if you also have another man or two on the line. It certainly reduces his guilt if you can both chat openly about your relationships like sex buddies, and not like jealous emotionally involved lovers who’d fight over it. Would if be possible for you to find your own single and available guy here? Or are you too deeply involved to be able to do that? 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know my oldest son’s girlfriend is quietly slipping down the basement steps to sleep with him in his room downstairs. I don’t care, but I’m worried sick she’ll get pregnant. I’m afraid of confronting my son, who is 19 and planning to be a doctor (a long way to go) and working very hard to move out and afford that. Would it be wrong of me to ask him what the heck he thinks he’s doing gambling with this when he wants to be a doctor one day?

— Worried Mom, Tuxedo

Dear Mom: You can ask him if he’s using adequate protection, but you can’t ask him, “What the heck do you think you’re doing?” or you will get shut out so fast you won’t believe it, and it may be hard to recover that ground. You could say “I know your girlfriend comes over to sleep with you, and she doesn’t need to sneak, but please tell me you’re using several forms of contraception to make sure she doesn’t get pregnant.” 

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.