You can’t go wrong with common courtesy

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This article was published 03/10/2019 (2545 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR READERS: Often, people just ask me for the words to say in a difficult situation. Here are some recent requests.  — Miss L.  

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into a fat man in the store between big racks of clothing and I couldn’t get by. People were back of me, too. It was either he back up, or I duck under a rack, and so I ducked under a bunch of long coats and came up in the next aisle.

It was so embarrassing. It got worse because I was in line to pay and he lined up behind me, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Sorry about my girth.” I didn’t know what to say, so I awkwardly stood there and said nothing, checked out fast and ran out of the store. What should I have said?

— Lost For Words, Downtown  

Dear Lost for Words: You should have looked over your shoulder and said, kindly, “That’s OK.” That’s all. It didn’t kill you to duck under some clothes and you probably have a far better quality of life than this man does. He’s likely carrying a lot of psychological weight, as well as physical. But he still approached you and reached out to apologize. You just needed to be gracious.  

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am furious at my younger brother for getting married to his girlfriend. He got her pregnant. She was never meant to be a serious girlfriend and now he’s tied to this little (tart).

I know about her. She has a reputation for latching onto guys with steady jobs, getting what she can out of them and then dumping them for the next sucker. They didn’t even have a wedding. I saw a picture of them after they got legally hitched. Now he’s married to a loser and there’s a baby coming, and he wants me to be friends with her. I don’t even want to talk to her.

— Upset Sister, West Kildonan  

Dear Upset: Your brother will encounter disappointment and sadness down the road, should this woman leave him and take the child. Don’t make it harder for him than it already is, by disapproving of his marriage so strongly you can’t even talk to her, creating a rift between you and your brother. This estrangement will hurt you as much as it hurts him.

Luckily, you’re Canadian and you use your manners. Consider saying “sorry” for being so cold.   

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What do you say to a person who asks for money and you only have a few bucks in your pocket? This has happened to me twice in the past week. I feel like a creep, but I’m not in a position to give much right now.

— Feeling Guilty, Portage Avenue  

Dear Guilty: You just tell the truth, saying, “Sorry, I don’t have much money myself today,” or if it makes you feel better, just give 25 cents. The signs often say, “Anything will do” and, sadly, most people need every little bit — even for a hot coffee in their hands in this cold weather.  

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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