Fiancée’s pulsating pal an unwelcome presence

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This article was published 07/10/2019 (2519 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: There are three of us in the bed now, and one of them is not human. The third is my live-in fiancée’s new vibrator, and she has given it a man’s name, thereby humanizing it. (I have a recent degree in psychology, so I know this stuff.)

She thinks she’s being cute. I’m not amused. What if I brought a blow-up doll into the bedroom with us, and gave her a name?

The trouble is my girlfriend gets a more immediate charge out of her vibrator than she did before with me. Now I feel kind of useless and turned off sex with her. I am only included after Act 1, which she spends with her freakin’ vibrator.

Yesterday we had a fight after I took the vibrator out of her hand and threw it out of the bed. She started yelling at me, fetching it from the corner where it was still buzzing against the wall. She said, “Still alive, lucky for you.”

By that time I was on the way to the basement bedroom, where I locked the door. She did manage to say to me, when I was headed for the car to go to work this morning, that I am “immature and rude and impossible to live with.”

I don’t know what’s going to happen to us because I find her selfish and insensitive to my pride and my feelings about her buddy, the humanized vibrator. She’s a very foolish girl if she thinks I don’t have any options, should she not work out.

— Not Marrying Both of Them, River Heights

Dear Not Marrying Both: Since she is difficult to arouse, a smarter move on her part would have been to privately use her vibrator, turn it off, then go find you in the house and seduce you. That way you could both enjoy the use of the vibrator in a subtler way.

Her nonsense about giving the toy a man’s name is definitely immature and this has turned sex into a ridiculous threesome. Is your fiancée somewhat younger? You refer to her as a “foolish girl.”

You may look at this relationship and decide you want someone who is your equal in maturity and sensitivity, and who is more easily aroused by you, so you have a natural and easy compatibility.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my home and don’t want to leave it, but my husband is pushing to move into an expensive seniors home that I happen to know is full of rich widows, not that we aren’t pretty well off. My husband is handsome and a flirt, and the women will love him and wish I was six feet under already.

I told him no way am I moving, as long as we can handle living in our house, with a guy hired for yardwork, snow shovelling and grocery delivery. It’s a breeze so far. We both have vehicles and I have made sure our social activities, like certain sports and ballroom dancing, do not include a lot of single women on the make.

He can’t help himself with the flirting. In fact, that’s how I met him. He was married to somebody else at the time. I know what he’s capable of doing, and I love him and don’t want all that temptation in front of him every day.

— Always Fighting For Him, Silver Heights

Dear Fighting: Tell him outright why you don’t want to move into a seniors building with him — particularly the one he’s pushing. Some married men do move into these buildings with their female partners and some of those wives are tigresses who outright warn women to keep their hands off their man.

You might take that tactic. You won’t be popular with the ones who’d like to flirt, but the other ones who won’t be out to steal your mate might admire you for your preventive tactics. Could you become that type of woman?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend tried to oversee my private business. He’s a medical person and he thinks he has the knowledge and the right to advise me on what I eat, take for contraception and use on my skin for wrinkles, and he looks over every drug I take.

I tell him to leave me alone and dish out his advice at his work at the pharmacy. He says, “I do and people listen to me there. Why don’t you want the benefit of my expert advice?”

Miss L., I need some privacy and I consider my health concerns private between me, my doctor and my own pharmacist. Yesterday he looked in my multiple pill holder and tried to give me a readout and criticisms on everything I was taking, and I grabbed it away from him. Things went sour and we didn’t even make love or kiss when he left this time.

He’s a nice guy otherwise, and he’ll make a fair bit of money during his lifetime. This is important to me as I want to stay home and have a big family. Is he a waste of my time?

— Should I Move On? St. Boniface

Dear Should I?: Well, aren’t you two a pair! Does either one of you have a romantic bone in your body? Your new guy wants to know every detail of your health and pharmacological needs, and you’re sizing him up as a provider with enough money to support the big family and lifestyle you want.

No wonder you didn’t kiss or make love. You are in search of a lucrative deal that supports your future plans, and he’s a controlling person who doles out unwanted advice in private, just like he’s at his drugstore and someone has asked him for it.

You really need to go to see a counsellor or psychologist and talk about your dreams and plans, and your cold, analytical way of looking at men. As for the pharmacist, some women admire this kind of guy and even get off on the long names of different drugs rolling off his tongue. Let him find one of those women, and they can live happily ever after.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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