Brighten up SAD days with mood-altering light

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This article was published 05/10/2019 (2498 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I get sadder and sadder as the days grow shorter and shorter. My sister is the same way, and is begging me to take pills instead of getting depressed like I did the past two years. I want to be drug-free. I am young, not an old lady. What do you suggest?

— Getting Sadder, St. James

Dear Sadder: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) can often be treated with special lights. Amazon has pictures and prices of SAD lights from many different companies, ranging from $40 to $260.

They can also be purchased at the Mood Disorders Association, 4 Fort St., for $200 (204-786-0987).

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart lies stomped and bleeding on the floor. I just found out from a friend, who had to get drunk to tell me, that my husband has another woman, someone from his work. He had casually dropped the name of this new lady from work into our conversations a few times lately, so I knew immediately the woman my friend was talking about.

My friend works there, too, and was taking a big chance telling me. I had to promise I would never divulge who had told me, but when I confronted my husband, he knew right away who the “snitch” was.

The big problem is we have school-aged children and I have not been working for a long time. That’s what he said he wanted — that he’d pay for everything. I have tried to be a good wife and gave him sex whenever he wanted it. He’s not a very good lover — quite selfish and not very affectionate — but it was OK. I loved our family life and being home with the kids.

Should I go back to work? I do have a career I left far behind for my husband. Please help.

— Broken Heart, S. Winnipeg

Dear Broken: You need to do two things: 1) Go for relationship counselling with or without your husband. 2) Reach out to people from your former career and tell them you’re looking for work. Take a brush-up course, if you can (perhaps online), to update your skills if necessary. But start looking for a job from this minute on. You need to be able to stand on your own two feet financially, and as soon as possible.

You don’t necessarily have to break up with your husband, but you do need to be ready for that possibility. He may want to be with the other woman now, and he’s no longer your “king.” And once your broken heart starts healing, you may not be able to stand the sight of him, and want him out of your life. For that, you really need income, even though there will be child support.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just met a beautiful single woman at a work seminar. I was so excited about talking to her, I forgot to get her contact numbers and her last name. I could phone her company and ask for her by her first name, but they might think I’m a weirdo — some kind of bogus guy trying to get to her. What should I do?

— Blew My Chance? Broadway

Dear Chance: Tell the person who answers the phone your situation. Say you met this woman at a work seminar, and give the name, place and date. Then tell them you need to talk to her, but you remember only her first name. Chances are good the receptionist will put you through, or ask for your information, so they can ask the woman to call you if she wishes. Give them your first name, last name, company, position and all your phone numbers. And remember to thank them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have just seen a person I work with in the daytime, working at another place in the evening. I won’t mention where it is, but it was not pole dancing; it was a respectable job. She was shocked to see me, looked very alarmed and asked me to keep her secret. I don’t get it. She is single with no kids and is paid well where we both work. What could be her problem — gambling, bad debts? What should I do? 

— Caught Her Moonlighting, Winnipeg

Dear Caught: If she’s doing a good job in the daytime and chooses to work in the evening, why would you tell on her? Her daytime job still gets her best energy. Maybe she’s lonely in the evenings or helping out aging parents, or wants to buy a house a few years from now. She doesn’t necessarily have to be supporting a gambling debt problem. Some people just want to get ahead and find it difficult to save on a regular salary.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6. 

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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