Keep neighbourly peace with sex-toy snoop

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/10/2019 (2195 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was in a sex shop where you can buy the latest erotica play stuff, including toys and books, when in walked my neighbour. I was holding up a certain object and asking the saleslady about it when I saw him out of the corner of my eye.

I am a shy man with an adventurous wife, but she wasn’t with me. This guy is the type to slap you on the back and ask you how you’re doing and expect an answer.

I saw him headed my way, quickly put the thing down and moved off to another display. He came over with the old line, “Fancy meeting you here!” I saw his eyes darting to the battery-operated toy I’d been holding and I totally fumbled the ball. I muttered something unintelligible and took off for the door.

Next day, who do I see but what’s-his-name, out raking the leaves in the front yard as I’m heading for my car. He came sauntering over and said, “Hey, sorry for scaring you off at the store before you got what you needed, heh heh. Did you go back?”

I couldn’t believe the nerve of this guy. He must be a drinker or something. We’re not discussing a visit to a grocery store here. I just looked at him, said nothing and got in my car.

How do you get rid of a snoop like this who is determined to mind my business, even in a sex store?

— Can’t Stand the Guy, River Heights

Dear Can’t Stand the Guy: Refusing to answer and leaving him there at the curb all alone, holding his rake should give him the idea he’s gone too far.

In the interest of peaceful, good neighbour relations, just wave at him here and there if you see him around. Don’t be nasty over this. He’s a galoot who just doesn’t know any better. If your house were on fire, you’d want him to call the fire department, wouldn’t you?

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just started dating a new woman and we had our first night of passion at her invitation, and she hasn’t called me since.

I figure it’s up to her because she invited me over to a candlelit room and “seduced” big old me, although I was more than willing and she knew it.

Should I be calling her? Is she expecting that? Or is she not calling me because I failed the test? I thought it went well, but maybe she was expecting something more or different. I’ve let her take the lead in this, gentleman that I am, but whose turn is it to call after — the spider or the fly?

— Clued Out, Downtown

Dear Clued Out: You might have sent flowers the next day, but you didn’t. And it’s your turn to make a move, so she’s probably waiting for you to call, email or at least text. Yes, it’s late but better late than never, which would be very disappointing for her. Assume the best. Phone and send flowers, late or not, if you really like her a lot.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.