Best buddy chasing the woman I want

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/10/2019 (2532 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a problem with my best buddy. He’s chasing a woman who isn’t giving him much interest back. What he doesn’t know is she’s calling me, and we’re talking for hours.

I feel kind of guilty because he really likes her, but I like her too, and she wants to go out with me. I am lonely and feeling hot for her. Please tell me what to do. — Rock and a Hard Place, Downtown

Dear Hard Place: Be careful of this woman. I know you’re lonely, but she seems to be quite OK with secretly calling up the best friend of the guy who has been calling her. She may be enjoying playing two male friends against each other — or not.

He’s your buddy, so you need to tell him she’s phoning you. He’ll probably ask you how long this has been going on, and you might as well tell the truth, because he can check with her.

Another question he’ll ask is, “Do you want to go out with her?” You could say at this point: “She’s nice. I can see why you’ve been calling her. I’m not saying ‘yes’ to her yet because you’re my buddy.”

Expect him to be sad and then mad, or he may tell you, “She’s all yours,” and distance himself from you.

Give him some time to work it out in his mind that she wants you and not him, but don’t expect him to immediately like this fact.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was over-hungry when I went out with a girlfriend from work. Dinner came late — and I gobbled up the salad, bread and whole plate of spaghetti and meatballs. I ate way too much in half an hour and then went into the bathroom feeling ill and threw up.

I guess I came out looking a pale shade of green, and she suggested we cut the visit short and she’d drive me home.

When we got to my apartment block, she had the gall to turn and preach: “Why do you overeat? It’s not good for your health, you know, and you’ve been putting on weight.”

I got out of the car, without saying anything, and then felt so mad I walked around to her window, tapped for her to roll it down and told her to get lost, using the F-word. She called me some choice words back with the word “fat” in them.

She is bordering on anorexia and comments on everybody’s size. We’ve been work friends for two years. It’d be awkward to stop talking to her, but I don’t want to be friends anymore. — So Bleepin’ Mad, Fort Garry

Dear Bleepin’: Go into pleasant-but-unavailable mode with her. Just be “busy” if she asks you to go out for any activity, particularly eating.

If she corners you about why, you smile a little and say quietly, “Our last meal together didn’t work out so well, did it?” Then change the topic.

What you’re trying to do is cool the friendship without creating an enemy at work. You will need plausible excuses when you refuse further offers from her, and then she’ll probably get the message. Be gentle and good luck.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography